entry 9

so turns out we moved seats on friday /sobs. iunno since that was the last lesson i was planning to be all like 'you were a good seating plan partner' or SOMETHING LIKE THAT OKAY DON'T JUDGE ASDFG but yeah. i had to sit next to that guy again and ehhh, he's... he's okay but i'mma just say this one more time (have i ever said it before?): i swear he judges me and how i answer my questions because i suck at maths and it just so happens that he does not.

i'm a bit of an idiot.

y'know i thought i was over canoe guy.

but then there's those times where i keep seeing him around school and whenever i do there's these times where i just pause and for some reason there's this deep breath and oh god i'm getting all cheesy jfc-

/sigh.

so then i decided i should say hi to him whenever i see him.

there was this time when he was walking in front of me and i kind of just clutched my laptop bag and i was about to call out his name but then his friends - those popular/renowned as 'jerks' guys came up and were all like 'yOOO' so i became a hella lot more hesitant so i didn't end up saying anything and just went my way, past them.

and then every other time i just got really... anxious and scared -- i don't know why, but i did. so i didn't really say anything to him those times.

but a few days ago!

on friday (it's sunday now), at the end of school we have the same class - english - together and y'see, he walks the way i walk. i was walking with my friend amy and we kind of talked a bit but i think i was too distracted (for some reason) to really listen to what she was saying (i'm sorry /sobs) but all i wanted was to just say hello to him because i hadn't before and it was odd because he was in front of us right, but he was always looking back for some reason? and i kind of met his eyes a couple of times but just looked away because i am quite the awkward turtle- but anyway, i kind of parted from amy (I AM SERIOUSLY THE WORST PERSON EVER) because of this mini crowd of people and i caught up to canoe guy and called out his name -

and he tilted his head really cutely UGH and i was like 'see ya!' and he grinned oh god what a dork and it was such a cute smile like what are you doing no don't do that ughghghgh but basically he was like 'bye' and i nodded and i was about to turn around and then he said 'have a good weekend' and SDFGHJKL I DID NOT EXPECT THAT SO I KINDA JUST PERKED UP AND WAS LIKE 'yoU TOO' ASDFGHJ

/deep sigh

but honestly it made my day and it really sucks.

man i feel like i'm turning this blog into a huge ball of cheese.

anyway.

have a good day cuties! reminder to sit up straight, this is entry 9 yo.

entry 8

so we're moving back to our old seats next monday. /sigh. i also have a test on that day. i'm definitely not looking forward to next week, especially because i have to perform this thing on tuesday in drama. it's about a puppet, a puppeteer and a free doll. it's puntacular yo /snickers.

seriously there's like some lines we thought up saying 'well get your act together' or 'i'll help you, no strings attached' or 'better start russian (because the free doll is russian)' and lots more.

i got back from basketball just then.

it's really the best feeling when you get score a hoop (even though this time i didn't -- but i stole the ball from a girl ahh and it was awesome) and i'm super embarassing because when we score a goal i let out this woop of joy and it's usually really loud and squeaky /hides.

there's my friend kate and she's SUPER GOOD at basketball so she's like my role model huehuehue i have to take tips from her

so after basketball i went shopping with my mum and we went to this section in woolworths where they sell all types of meat and cheese and olives and such and basically you have to get a number to line up (sometimes, if there's not many people there you don't have to) but today my mum was gonna buy some cheese so she just stopped in front of these bunch of people to take a number and she was just standing there for a while and because i was following her i was like to her-

'mUM' and she was like 'yis dearie???'

and i was like 'we're kinda like blocking the way'

and she was like 'wut'

so in this kind of 'so done with u' voice i was like 'we'RE BLOCKING THE WAY'

and she was like 'OH'

BUT THE BOY BEHIND US

THE BOY BEHIND US

I HEARD HIM LAUGH AND IT WAS

it was really cute

made my day
kind of
iunno, making some random laugh
that's darn awesome
the fact he was pretty damn cute was a bonus

also today i did this thing at school, making rice paper rolls. it was fun. i saw canoe guy in the class we were kinda interrupting. i... wanted to say hi to him but i failed like i have been for many days. i feel like i want to talk to him but ugh, i don't know. i feel like...


/sighs.

yeah.

i'm just going to...

/sigh.

this is entry 8. have an awesome day, readers (if there are any).

entry 7

ladybugs are now really awesome in my eyes.

not that they weren't before, but they kind of increased in their awesomeness level.

so yesterday in maths, will somehow acquired a ladybug, and named it seaweed. seaweed was an odd ladybug because she basically just walked around his book for a while and then settled on the spine (a bunch of plastic rings) either cleaning herself, or pooping.

we had to finish off some homework in this textbook we were sharing, and i kind of just whizzed through mostly because i had no idea how to answer some, so i was just left sitting there and staring at the questions i couldn't answer (what's cool is that during the actual class time where our teacher doesn't leave us to just finish homework, is that will helped me in some questions and that was really nice of him so ye). so seaweed began annoying will (it was pretty funny (to me), i was like 'looks like seaweed is... bUGGING you... and he was like haaaa /shakes head) and he passed it on to arianna (my friend sitting in front of me), but after a while she got sick of it as well so she passed it back and i took seaweed from him. at first seaweed was on my finger just chillin' and doing that mysterious action of either pooping or cleaning herself (OKAY I LOOKED UP LADYBUG POOP JUST THEN AND LUCKILY IT DIDN'T POOP ON ME OR I WOULD'VE NOTICED ASDFGH) and then i just watched her on my finger because she was seriously just staying still and i was beginning to wonder if she was like laying eggs on me so i kinda freaked out and put her on my pen. she stayed there for a while and i could kinda tired of just holding my pen up so carefully i laid her in the middle of the textbook me and will were sharing, and just watched her for a bit.

that's when will finished doing his work and he was like 'okay so i'm just gonna close the text book for a while' and made the motion of closing the textbook and right then and there i made this really weird noise of 'KEEee' and stopped him from closing it and we just kinda looked at each other for a moment and he laughed and was like 'i wasn't actually gonna close it' and mimicked my sound and i was like jfc that was uncalled for and yeah it was really cool i felt like we were bonding /hides.

so then after that we decided to release seaweed into the wild after class, and basically seaweed was just stationary on my pen so while we packed up our things i just held the pen and talked to my friend arianna.

will packed up and got his bag and kind of left the classroom to talk to his other friends and stuff so i just kinda was like oh kay... so what should i do with seaweed-

and arianna was like did will just leave you with his child

and i was like yup

but as i was walking out of the classroom will was kinda just waiting for me and was like 'jesse, let's go and release... her' and i was like :DDD okay friend (yes i was pretty happy he waited coz that's pretty damn cool) and we went out and released seaweed into these pretty bushes.

that was kind of the end of that and will and arianna were walking the same way while i was going the opposite so we said our farewells until i kind of remembered that i left my laptop so i kinda turned back really hurriedly and then i saw will walking behind me and i think he was gonna say something but i was like i fORGOT MY LAPTOP NO and while i was running i heard him laughing (so i think we parted on fairly good terms and that's awesome). man this is so cool i feel like i'm making progress. recently with the other areas such as src guy and canoe guy and friend-making in the other classes i haven't been going places (especially with the speech because my teacher ended up saying it was highly engaging but she wasn't sure the topic was really clear and that it was more like a personal confession to the class (and i was like ha...ha... /sobs out of embarrassment UGH) but ye) so i feel better thinking back aha.

i was just thinking along the lines of 'beCOME FRIEND WITH WILL like maybe good friend' but i feel like whenever i hope for things such as that i get too hesitant so i just figured 'don't think, just do' kind of thing. i'm kinda sad because when hsc is over we have to go back to our old classroom and then i probably won't be able to sit next to will any more (because sure we talk now but i doubt there'd be much talking if the situations were different, y'feel me?) /sigh he's cool and i think we're friends. well, at the very least - it'd be nice y'know? maths is actually quite fun recently so i look forward to it now, which is a huge thing for me because maths usually promises awkwardness and anxiety when answering questions the teacher asks.

also recently i've been more acquaintance-y with this girl (let's call her cushion) and it's cool. she's really nice and i wouldn't mind getting to know her more.

also halloween was pretty damn cool i went trick or treating for the first time two days ago with my friends guy, amy, chanse and amy's sisters. next year i want to do it again hehe. people are so nice, giving out candy wow. i dressed up in a kimono and did something weird with just eyeshadow (i have no idea about make up don't even ask) and it looked really creepy so i did good LOL.

have a good day everyone! eat some spoopy cupcakes while halloween lasts and make sure to sit up straight and i hope happiness is bountiful wherever you are.

thanks for reading this is entry 7 yo.

entry 5

so you know what's totally awesome?!

today at school we had a substitute teacher for maths, and of course the seating plan didn't need to be followed because well, we had a different teacher, but in maths will sat next to me and i kind of just reminded him that he could sit next to his friends but he was like nah i like you and then iunno for a moment i was like ... and then i was like ASDFGHJKLJHGFD FRIEND1!@!# but i didn't really show it but it meant a lot to me even though he was probably just saying that to make me feel better /kicks dirt. so yeah that kinda made my day.

before that however was drama class and we played this game called zip zap zoop and basically it's this small clapping game where zip goes left, zap goes right, and zoop goes across (everyone stands in a circle) and basically y'know that guy who voted for me to be src? yeah well he's in my drama class and in the first few days where i had my moments of braveness, i said hi to him a couple times and that was awesome but nowadays i've just been feeling a little... ugh and iunno, i guess i'm trying to find chances where i can but when i do i hesitate and that chance leaves (when in actuality chances are probably always there and i'm just too much of a butt to do something about it) and well i heard my name (i think) before the start of the game mentioned by him and his group of friends and (let's call him soul, man i am so obvious (but not so obvious to you anon readers)) throughout the game when it came to their turn they zooped it to me and after the third time i kind of just shook my head and rolled my eyes a bit and they laughed and i thought that was kind of cool? like i think they were being friendly. i think. i'm not too well-versed in this kind of stuff but it was interesting so i made a vow to myself to say hi to him on monday (it's friday today).

so i found that pretty cool and kind of a friend-making chance, aha.

today was also subject selections day. it's so weird how a year can pass by so quickly and next thing you know it i'll be in year 12 doing my hsc. creepy.

i asked my friend dylan if he was doing pe4 (mainly dancing) and he was like yeah, i am, semester 1, and i was like YAYY THAT MEANS WE'RE TOGETHER M8 and he laughed and kinda jokingly said haha maybe i should swap classes then and i was like wAHT NO DON'T but yeah that was a cool interaction.

/re-reads and sighs. these small things make me so happy i don't even know why.

so basically for year ten at my school you have to do all the mandatories such as english, science, maths, history, geography, languages (in my instance, japanese) but you also get your final bunch of electives, in this case where i had three electives.

so the ones i wanted to do were

• acting
• youth theatre
• creative writing
• music on the stage, vocal

acting should be self-explanatory, it's a course about acting on the screen and stage and all that. youth theatre is basically making up plays and performing it to little kiddies around your local area (which sounds like TONS OF FUN like holy crap it sounds really amazing), creative writing should also be self-explanatory and music on the stage is basically singing, creating harmonies and at the end doing a massive performance with the class. i don't think i mentioned that i love singing, but yeah, i do. i also love writing.

for youth theatre though, you need to do a pre-requisite course which was either text to performance or theatrestyles. i /really/ wanted to do the acting course though, so i asked the drama teacher if i could just do acting and youth theatre instead of doing the pre-requisite and his answer kind of made me ponder about my future and got me really thinking.

he said; if i'm serious about acting (as in doing it for the hsc) then i should do acting and youth theatre but if i'm not then i should just do text to performance and youth theatre.

i chose acting and youth theatre. but honestly? i'm not too sure if i want to continue it into the hsc. sure, that sounds like amazing fun but what if it turns out i suck at acting and then i'm expected to continue it into the hsc? of course i can always not but, these expectations...

i'll just do my best; i told my brother about this and he said well as long as you do your best you'll probably do well.

so yeah, that's what i'll do.

so that's two spots taken up, what about the last one?

well, i chose music on the stage vocal. singing is wonderful to me - it's like an outlet. but so is writing. i just figured since i already do write fanfiction and i do roleplay on tumblr now (i recently started in the star trek community and it's the greatest thing ever - just-following-orders <3) that i'll be okay. besides my friend took it this semester and promised to give me her book to look over so yeah, that's cool.

weird because today i basically just chose my future and i have no idea how it'll turn out.

i'm gonna have to create a back-up for this blog because i don't want it to suddenly be erased and have all my entries lost.

also, did i tell you about canoe guy? it's a bit embarrassing so for now i'll refrain.

also i started doing basketball and it's amazing holy crepes. I GOT TWO BASKETS FOR THE FIRST TIME TWO DAYS AGO AND IT WAS THE MOST AMAZING FEELING EVER.

thanks for reading guys! halloween is coming up real soon so i really hope you guys have wonderful ones, if you celebrate it. 

comment if you have any thoughts about this, i'd be delighted to hear any, really. i know some of you read this, or maybe it's just the statistic thingy screwing up.

bye cuties! reminder to sit up straight and have a good day. c:

entry 4

so recently i've been getting into the star trek series, due to the two newest movies, 09 and 13. Chris Pine is definitely one sexy mofo just saiyan'. i even made a rp blog (just-following-orders) and it's so unbelievably fun.

did i tell you guys about the maths seating plan?

i don't think so...

well, let me tell you about it then.

basically, maybe a term ago our teacher decided to put the class into a seating plan because everyone was being too noisy with the people they already were with and i got paired up with this guy called adam. he's uh, he's one of those popular-ish guys and he's friends with the canoe guy. did i tell you the story of canoe guy? omg i have to tell lots of stories, don't i, aha. well i might say it later but for now, canoe guy is my used-to-be/maybe crush.

at first i was thinking: oh this'll be alright this guy seems okay, i can make friends with him!

the first time he sat next to me it was okay. at least, i think it was. he was just laughing randomly and i didn't question why though i did jokingly ask him if he was alright, to which he laughed and said yes, and stuff.

the next time he came into class and sat next to a popular girl and i was like well okay, but then the teacher told him to go back to his seat and he kind of groaned and sat next to me again.

the third time he entered class with his friend and as he walked to his seat he joked with his friend about 'getting in with the asian chick' and that was probably the point where i was like yeah... no... - i wasn't sure if i really wanted to make friends with this guy. i talked to him a bit but then the next lesson the jokes about 'getting in' with me got worse so i decided not to talk to him at all.

i felt as if because i was the 'quiet, shy' girl, if i talked to a guy suddenly they'd suspect something and get all cocky, so... yeah. i've become a bit apprehensive when talking to guys now.

the fourth or fifth time i sat next to him, well, he was okay. the jokes stopped and even though he has a tendency of looking over my work (aND MAKING ME ANXIOUS like seriously he's really good at maths and i'm okay and i swear he judges me based on my answers) he's alright. he helped me once and i was like oh...? thank you.

so he's okay. i'm just, a bit, maybe scared of him? intimidated? i don't know the right word but i don't think he likes me aha.

then we had to change classrooms.

at first it was okay because we were allowed to sit next to our friends again but then guess what.

...

you probably guessed right.

another seating plan was put into order and this time it was another guy called will, who i had once lent a calculator to (i pride myself on that fact yo). will's cool. he's like the class clown but he's nice, so this time i'm a tad happier where i am ehe.

i find it cool because although i'm not amazing at maths i'm good enough, and will is okay at it so basically i can help him and these last two lessons i've been helping him so that's pretty awesome - it makes me feel as if I've done something good LOL. it's so awesome because i was kind of just copying questions down and we were sharing textbooks and he asked if i had done question f, which i hadn't. and basically he told me what you had to do and i was like well okay thanks i think and he was like no worries i felt like i needed to show off to you and i was like well... thank you again. and he seems really nice so i wouldn't mind getting to know him more! /puts on victory headband I FEEL AS IF I'M MAKING FRIEND AND IT's GLORIOUS GUYS.

recently though, when it's coming to other people i've been a bit hesitant for some reason.

y'know canoe guy? well, y'know how i went up to him and said all that stuff about him being cool and asking him if he didn't mind me talking to him?

well it's been two weeks and i haven't talked to him at all because i've been too scared /deep sigh.

i know that it's supposed to be a two-way thing like; there's supposed to be some reciprocation but what reason does he have to talk to me? i'm just that shy girl who's happened to gain random bursts of courage and then cowardliness. yeah, i have no idea how this is gonna work out but sometimes i just get random sparks of bleh and i just go to my friend ruby 'man i am the awkwardest person you'll ever meet' and she always questions why and i tell her a bit but never go too into detail, but i think she understands.

halloween is coming up.

i hope you guys have a good one! c:

thanks for reading, this is entry number 4.

have a happiness-filled day friends!