Thursday, 27 February 2014

entry 21


maths was my first class today--

BUT WAIT I FORGOT TO SAY SOMETHING about when i got back from bush school it's really little but basically noir was sitting across from me on the bus and on the bus ride home she was like hey jesse

and i was like oh, yeah?

and she replied you're like my role model now, you have such a good voice

and i kind of embarrassedly replied with a thank you

but i was really happy

and later as we were getting off the bus, i went up to her and was like hey noir! and she was like yeah? and basically i just told her that she was inspirational as well and she laughed and was like how so? and i was like well, you talk to a lot of people and you make it seem really easy and she laughed again and hugged me and told me i was cute

but i really meant it

noir talks to a lot of people with ease and it's so cool because she's a genuinely nice person and i kind of aspire to be like her

but anyway

maths was my first class today and i came in and sat down and was waiting for claire: maths buddy to show up and class had already started when the teacher was like HEY (what should i call the dude i guess i'll call him jude because jude is a cool name) jUDE SIT OVER HERE BECAUSE UR DISRUPTING THE CLASS

and she pointed to the empty seat beside me

and i was like o...h

and then he came up and sat next to me was kinda like 'sup as he sat down and i kind of nodded and smiled a bit

but when claire entered the classroom

i swear to god maybe it wasn't telepathic but i locked eyes with her and deep within me there was a horrified whisper of 'no' because she was left alone and i was also kind of left alone to fend for myself because i've never really talked to jude because he's well, also that type of far away person y'know?

so we stayed hella silent for a long time

when i got up to this question

and it was horrible but i could do it but at the same time i was stuck on one part of it

and i knew that jude had nearly finished the worksheet because he asked the teacher for help on question ten when i was still on question six (sob)

so after a LONG while of hesitating on whether or not to ask him but i knew i should because talking is a good thing and talking to new people is a beautiful thing

i was like

hey... jude

and he turned to me

and i was like, do you know how to do this question?

and he was like oh

and helped me out with it

and i kind of got it but kind of didn't but it gave me hints on how to do it

and i was like thank you

but really softly and that was accidentally and he kind of just nodded and went back to his work

but then i found out the formula and was like oh!! thank you! again and he made this noise of acknowledgement


it was a very short interaction but i felt proud of myself for having the guts but then one thing that i've noticed since the first time i saw him was that he is also a pretty dude

and so after class ended

he was walking out

and by the time i got up i'd already made up my mind because there was this one thing and hey, i'll post a picture here:


/laughs nervously.

that's what was motivating me and so i went up to him and was like yo jude

and he was like ?? yeah..?

and i was like you're very pretty

and then slowly

he smiled

and god smiles are so beautiful

and in an amused tone, he said thank you.

so yeah.

i just thought people think about other people so much and passing thoughts would be 'wow how pretty' but they're never told for some reason even though they'd make the other person feel fab so i guess i was like hey why don't i just say this because smiles are wonderful

so yeah i did.

science today was also really fun.


like okay

this was just one thing but she was getting the equipment for an experiment and the teacher was like bending over and talking to this student and she was trying to get past him

and i noticed that and she was just standing there really awkwardly and then i started laughing

and she made eye contact with me and then scrunched her face up and shook her head



it was hilarious and then she came up to me and was like no jesse stop laughing

but i laughed even harder

and yeah

science was fun

and a tad

odd i guess

i think people stole canoe guy and his friend's seat so they sat behind me and my friends and canoe guy was right behind me and i felt like i wanted to talk to him so much but i... yeah. and i heard him banter and y'know

just hearing him with a smile in his voice is nice

urgh i'm so weird

but also i was talking about wings with claire today

long story short i saw this tumblr post about what people'd be like with wings in everyday life

and i started to draw wings

wings for canoe guy, ariana, cinekha, will, heck, even soul

and these wings

mean a lot because they personify the person and i give them wings which i think suit them and describe them

claire-bear asked me to describe her senpai's wings which was damn adorable and so i did and apparently i made her almost cry bUT TEARS OF TOUCHED-NESS AND IT WAS GR8

she said it was a beautiful talent i had and how it was amazing i could think it up on spot

and that was a really

like... impacting compliment haha

i guess it's because i'm a writer that it was so impacting but it was also because i'm a writer that i could think up something like a person's wings on spot but i guess it's also because i think about things a hella lot and more than i should probably and that's why it's easy for me to try and see a person's view and use that perspective to further explain things

it's really weird because somehow these wings have become precious to me in such a short time and i feel like i want to tell people what they're wings would be--

because if everyone really did have wings it'd be hard not to fall in love with each and every individual because of the simple but unique beauty every pair holds

but y'know everyone holds a uniqueness to themselves even without wings, so i guess that's okay

but with wings it'd be more apparent

more prominent

easier to recognise that our bodies are something to be loved and not shamed

and it's very sad and odd because it's ourselves who do the shaming



one thing that's been plaguing my mind is that i want to tell canoe guy about his wings, hah

i'll give you guys a very bad quality picture:

edit: digital version

they'd angle in towards the small of his back but the tips wouldn't meet unlike cinekha's (you can spot hers in the top right) and his wings would be medium-sized and y'know i don't think they'd be that extravagant compared to ariana's or will's which are next to canoe guy's in the left but the left wing hasn't been drawn for will but

the tips of his wings - the bone that folds; the two apexes - they'd look pointy because of his feathers (his wings would be a mixture of feathers and fluff and they'd look fairly neat but they're actually pretty messy but not very noticeably so) but they really aren't

if you touched them they'd be rounded and strong and if you ran your hand down the joint it'd be smooth and maybe a tiny bit angular, but surprisingly supportive if that makes sense

lol i'm





his wings would be a colour several shades darker than tumeric but that'd only be in some random patches and his wing base colour would mostly be a light caramel



AND although we didn't win, we did really well i reckon!! my friend's mum (zara's mum) was laughing and joking and made a remark about how i was getting in there and stealing the ball off the tall people and that was funny and actually really nice hehe, since my parents don't come to watch because they're busy it's a really nice feeling to be... recognized... i guess? but it was so nice of her!! my hair was really sweaty afterwards and i felt proud because it was like my hard work and effort transformed into a palpable form which was the sweat kekeke and i told my brother this fact and he was like ew don't sweat on my carseat and i sighed and shook my head and sweat probably flew at him then but he just didn't understand

brothers, what can you do.


i better mark the date (yesterday i was continuing writing this post at night when i was told to go to bed so--) 27/2

mkay... so today (thursday)!

after school i had this convo with this dude called josh in the year below me and josh is pretty damn awesome - we've been kind of friendly acquaintances and i say hi to him whenever i see him and he also went to my primary school

i found it so easy to talk to him and he offered me a piece of gum and that was hella rad

then i had to leave

but we talked about fishing and swimming and i made him laugh a couple of times and i've mentioned this so many times bUT MAKING A PERSON LAUGH OR SMILE IS SO COOL


canoe guy passed by where i sat today and i don't know who waved first but we both smiled and waved at each other and.. /hides that was nice


on another note i've been saying hello to different people and i'm happy for that haha


this is entry 21 and i have a lot of homework to do /sob

i hope you guys are having a beautiful time wherever any of you are and reminder to sit up straight and drink water because it's v. good for you!!

/dances away


  1. hiyo again,
    man that was a lot of reading (and i stilll have a post to go ;-;) but it's all so inspirational!
    like the wings, oh god. the thought that you put into it is so beautiful and theres so much more to it than the drawings, like the descriptions werent even high-quality writing but i swear i could feel the emotions running through your head as you wrote about running your hand down his wings and i was running my hand down them too and feeling his warmth and his smile even though you didn't mention it and that actually gave me slight goosebumps like holy shit, youre such an amazing writer and artist, artist just in general as well like the art of thought too.

    also, the thing about those mini-crushes and finding randoms attractive and how you should tell them, i really want to follow that advice. i try to make an effort to tell people when i like their clothes but i guess it's kinda awkward to say they're attractive? like its kinda an awkward word. and pretty kinda doesnt always fit. agh, i dont know. ill try.
    thanks for generally being inspiring

    1. LOL you people all call me inspirational but i don't even know where to start
      and yes you do still have a post to go <3 but it's not that much compared to everything else hehe
      i'll draw yours.
      but great
      your comment just reminded me how in love i am with his wings hah
      yeah, they'd be warm. or at least if i were in a world where there were wings, i'd imagine they were really warm. and his warmth doesn't even stop there because it'd be in his smile as well.
      maybe it's because you know me well that you can grasp my emotions but just that makes me smile because hehe emotions and you got them /tackles u and hugs u

      but yeah!! I'M GLAD I INSPIRED YOU because that's really weird for silly me but

      go ahead and tell them

      it's really not that hard, it's the fear that makes it so and when you do tell them, if they smile it's a very satisfying feeling haha

      but i feel you on how there are different words to describe different people. hehe bring a dictionary with you everyday LOL i should actually do that (/whispers get me a thesaurus for my birthday <333 but then again i shouldn't be asking things because your birthday is coming up real soon!!)

      but thank you for understanding me

      thank you a lot


    2. you are so inspirational geeez
      man i swear if you wrote your whole liking story i would fall for him as well
      ye i dunno if its your writing or cause i know you hehe
      oki i shall try
      and yes a thesaurus is a great present thats so smart!!!
      if you havent got me a prezzy
      you can just draw my wings and describe them
      or get me a keyring or mini teddy or some little thing to remind me of you
      ......or something that smells like you....
      although the smell fades but its still good for a while

    3. LOLOL, something that smells like me hahahaha

      but ofc i'll draw you your wings!! i was planning to even if you hadn't asked me lol, i'll start on it now

      and i'll try to find a key ring!!

      and haha i think maybe i will write it one day, when i'm finally over him, heh.

      thank you!