[low key screaming]
i'm really tired man
came back from an AWESOME camping trip today but basically we swam so much and body-boarding is actually so fun and i've come to appreciate the safety of lit roads and stable ground after walking to 海's house at 9pm and coming back down a cliff and feeling like a baby deer the whole way squatting and tightly sweatily gripping 海's offered hand and arriving back at the campsite at 11
save me from hell
ummm so on another note
things have been hectic, i guess
even just now, writing it up here like this makes me tired but not in that physical way /sigh
i guess i'll start from the start seeing as i'll have to as i haven't posted anything about it here or really, anything at all on here, in ages
so it began probably the day before i went to the doctors one day with a container of oatmeal at the ready for morning travels because i'm dedicated to my oatmeal
but the night before there was some kind of fight between my parents just over something really silly like it usually is and in the car on the way to the doctors my mum was the driver and she as always after these kind of things she was like, "do u see how he treats me jesse??' and i was like yea....... but like usually what i used to say was "all you have to do is just like talk to him??? try not to rise to his anger and just talk calmly???" because the fault lies in both in that they allow things to escalate so much with their words
and then mum kind of shut up and after a while she told me this thing that was perfect in time for module a of exams with english - 'discovery'
iunno man trigger alert if ur having family issues or something or you just don't really want to deal with this kind of stuff but i learnt that my dad cheated on my mum and left the family when bro was 5 and it still feels like to me that i make a big deal out of it sometimes but on the other hand the interaction between my mum and my dad affect me and my brother a great deal so maybe i'm justified
but basically when i found that out i was just so disappointed
of course my mum was like 'yeah but if there's one thing i can't fault him for it's him trying to provide for you and joey so don't get angry at ur dad u have to stay the same' and i was like ://// [angst intensifies] and iunno i just felt kinda :/ especially because like i can see how mum probably can't bring herself to try and communicate with dad when he never made the effort for her
i don't really know how her complaints went in full chronological order but they just made me so sad and angry at dad, and she also confided in me one of the things that dad said to her about having a 'second daughter' with that woman he cheated on before, and apparently he said this to her during this time when -- i don't think i ever mentioned it here? it's all a blur to me because i don't know it was a bad time --- but i used to like, scratch myself? they weren't full cuts but i used to try to injure myself and during that time apparently my mum and dad had a big fight and one thing i remember was crying in front of our christmas tree and mum leaving for work angrily and dad gone and joey coming in to try and cheer me up and saying something akin to 'if you think dad will care about what you're doing you're wrong, you just need to show him you're not affected'
but anyway dad said that he didn't care what happened to me if i killed myself or whatnot because he had a second daughter anyway
and mum said she couldn't forgive him for that
so in that car ride to the doctors i was just kind of like haha oh because i guess it just forced me to see things in a different perspective like 'ah that's why bro said that to me' and i began to really just :/ at my dad
i found that i still was grateful for everything that dad has done for me
but those actions of his do not justify the abuse that has constantly appeared through other actions
so in that fight that mum and dad had, i was fighting with dad - he asked me to take out the bins and i said i'd do it later because i was busy doing homework and he just got super angry and went on the argument that i never did anything for him and such and then he went and took out the bins himself and imo became really petty like a few days into the week my light stopped working and i was acting normally around dad, he was ignoring me and i asked for a new light and he said to go find one myself and i was like ok and tried to but couldn't find one and he was like oh well you're going to have to deal and i was like ok lol i'll do hw in joey's room instead
and then i was at my computer one day after the whole shenanigans of learning about the whole 'secret' and stuff, he like went up to me and was pretty ok and his reasoning for being angry that i hadn't taken out the bins was that we have some shady neighbours and going out in daylight is safer than at night and sure ok, i said sorry and that i'd keep that in mind next time but also that he should be understanding when i have homework and don't want to be disturbed
and then he just replied with that argument like no it only takes like 10 minutes just do it and got angry again and like exited the room
and i was like .......... and then i went out and just confronted him and was like yeah well i'm upset about another thing, i know that you cheated on mum
and he was like -silence- that's none of your business that's only between me and her
and i was like no it is my business because you're my dad and what you do affects everyone in the family
and then he got really defensive and was going like what do you want me to do??? kill myself??? don't worry i know you hate me i'll go live somewhere else soon anyway
and i was like ??????? ummmmmm how about saying sorry to mum?? i don't hate you??? literally what you are doing is running away from your problems and not solving anything
and he was like no i can't do that
and i was like why not
and he was like you'll understand when you're an adult
and i was like frankly dad, i don't see any adults in this room right now
and he was like i can't say sorry if i don't mean it
and i was like ??? well maybe this isn't for you maybe this is for mum
and he was like no it won't do anything
and i was like how do you know you haven't even tried anything
and he just wouldn't budge and so i just sighed really loudly and was like then can you at least try to stop fighting with her? and he was like she makes me say things!!!! and i was like uh huh right and he was like "but what i told her about having a second daughter wasn't true" and i was like so you said it to spite her? and he didn't answer and i just like glared at him for a long while (during this i was also having like a panic attack of sorts kind of like when you cry really hard and you start having difficulty breathing and get a bit dizzy and your heart goes weird, and twice during it he tried to hug me but i kind of just either stayed still or pushed him away) but anyway, i just said to dad that i was disappointed in him
and he was like what do you want me to do i'm not a computer
and i linked that back to the first argument we had and said yeah well that goes for us as well we can't do everything you ask us to do straight away maybe we're busy with other things first and he was like ok well tell me when you are and i'll do it and i was like ok do you promise not to get angry?? and he was like yeah
and then it just ended like that
after that i was just still in a state of disappointment with him because he avoided the topic of mum completely.
and then the other day, it was the beginning of the holidays but the context is is that my family is having lots of trouble with money at the moment - when things are stable, it's ok, but recently cars have been breaking down one after the other and then you get tensions rising with both money and family problems and then the first day of the holidays my cousin and i were cutting her dog, panda's, hair and when we put him down, there was growling and my dog rufus and panda got into a fight and panda's jaw got dislocated/broken - still not quite sure but we know it's bad because panda keeps on whining and such
that night i was like dad i think something's wrong with panda's jaw and dad was like ...no it's fine
and then the next day he was like panda's jaw is broken and i was like yeah i told you so and the problem was that surgery for panda would cost heaps of money and giving him top the rspca would still cost a few hundred, and there was also the option of putting him down
now let me first say that this is my cousin's dog and my cousin is currently in phillipines with her mum
and i'm already really hesitant as it is when it comes to money and asking for it because i know it's really difficult for them at the moment and don't want to burden them with anything and added the mounting arguments against me such as them saying that they do everything for me and i do nothing in return, so it makes me not want to ask for anything at all y'know
well i just didn't want panda to be put down because i feel like that'd be such an unfair call to make for him, because he's a young dog and for something like a broken jaw that could be fixed--- like, god y'know???
but basically it all fell to my cousin's decision as it was her dog and so i was discussing it with her on facebook and just her replies just got me so disappointed because it really felt like the only person who was really affected by everything was me and maybe even my dad but all my cousin said was "oh... well it's my mum's decision in the end"
and she kept repeating that argument and i felt so frustrated because sure it was her mum's decision but her say in it was equally important and she could persuade her mum to the choice that we both agreed was the better option e.g rspca
so then the next day we just devised a system where we feed panda soft things until we can afford to send him to the vet and that's what's been happening but basically one time my dad asked me to feed panda it was like 12pmish and usually we feed the dogs at 6ish but i didn't mind so much, i was just making my holiday plan for homework and feeling kind of stressed seeing all the things that needed to be done and i just said ok hold on i'm nearly finished when my dad got super angry again and went on another rant and somehow ended up threatening that he wouldn't support me with money and i was just like ????? then i'll have to get a part time job i guess and he just got even more angry and began saying how i never did anything for him again and how he works so hard and stuff
and i ended up getting another of those panic attacks and i just ran to the bathroom and locked myself in there and tried to calm myself down
like i knew it was partly my fault that i didn't feed panda asap but then dad and went and said those things, and like while i was in the bathroom my mum was outside the door and being angry and saying i had to apologise to dad straight away but i honestly did not feel like i did much wrong and that dad was overreacting again and i asked her to just leave me alone for a moment because i actually couldn't focus and deal with things because of the panic attack and she was like ???? and i tried to explain to her that like i was having a lot of trouble just dealing with things at the moment and she kind of scoffed and was like what are you going to kill yourself??
and that moment i just like went silent and i was so angry, i was thinking things like 'how dare you say that to me' because time and time again that's alway been the threat that mum and dad have used against me in fights, that they'd just 'kill themselves if i didn't care' and stuff and i just said that to mum
and she just kind of stormed off angrily and came back later and just kept saying i had to apologise
it's kind of still going on at the moment, like i'm lucky that i got to go camping in the first place, mum was saying she wouldn't let me go but i had already prepared food for it and stuff and in the end she let me go but on the car ride there she just kept going on about how i 'had to apologise to dad' and i 'better think about what i did' but i'm just finding it hard because i just i honestly feel like i've done nothing much wrong, i know that it's my fault i don't do things straight away and i'm always grateful for what my parents do for me and like yeah i sass and stuff but like ...... i just.......... idk make way for teenage ramblings sdfghj
my worries just remain, and i've said it to the motherhen, but it's that i feel like things just get worse and worse and the more they do i'm afraid i'll keep having these reactions to them and i end up feeling kind of like... just bad ... at the end of things and i know i'll get back to normal -- i was fine camping -- but i'm developing an apprehensiveness to coming home and seeing mum and dad
also edit about something but i went busking and the day i came home in the car like i was tired but mum launched into tons of complaints about everything bad that was happening like cars breaking down and it just made me so like i began getting really antsy and sighed really loudly and like i know mum has to vent these things but it just always happens and it never stops and i think these things do begin piling up and turn into toxicity, so anyway i sighed really loudly and mum was like what are you angry??? and i just asked her to stop and that i didn't want to hear any more and she went silent and i felt kinda bad but like.... this negativity, i feel, is so poisonous and then that night my bro called up and we had a dnm and he agreed and said that that's a huge reason why he doesn't want to come home and that usually it's hard to deal with because mum's phone calls to him are the same in that she asks about his day sometimes but after that just goes on about the bad in hers
and we don't even know what to do about it
but we just confirmed with each other that we were strong and we'd handle all this together and i think our relationship is so important and awesome :') like i owe bro a lot and he's a star and i hope he also feels better with everything that's going on with his job + girlfriend + etc
sometimes its ok but when things are bad things just seem to get worse y'know??
that's kind of a scary thing
but i know i can always find support with my friends and in the christmas spirit in the air!!!
that kind of reminds me w/ my bro but just recently, it was after busking
OH OHO HOOHHOH OMY GOD I HAVE TO TELL EVEROYNE I WENT BUSKING THIS YEAR!!!! AND IT WAS SO AMAZING WE GOT LIKE 400ISH BUCKS IN 2 DAYS AND DUUUDE WE ARE SO AMAZING ok so like WAIT OTHER PEOPLE ARE SO COOL BECAUSE LIKE THIS LADY CAME OUT WITH FRESH JUICE and i think we were singing outside some kind of legal firm or something but she came out and was like 'hey kids if it gets too hot outside you're welcome to come in any time :)' and AAAAAAAAAAA oh my god ;;; it was just so beautiful and just such preciousness is what makes everything worthwhile!! also we were busking with the song 'cant help falling in love with you' and some dude just was walking past and SANG REALLY GOOD AND AFTER THE SONG ENDED HE WAS SLOWLY WALKING AND WE LIKE CLAPPED FOR HIM BECAUSE HIS VOICE WAS ACTUALLY AMAZING
also CAN I JUST SAY LIKE do u guys remember how i like am so :') at my jap teacher well HE'S SO AWESOME ;; CRY OMG so like during the term we were talking about pokemon once and he was telling me how like when he goes to japan in 2019ish ??? he's gonna have to buy lots of pokemon stuff for his son because his son has become obsessed with pokemon and ;; HIS FAITH he was like 'hey you'll be there' and i literally was like ;;;;;;;;;;; YOUR FAITH IN ME ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; and was like 'SIR YUO HAEV TO COME VISIT ME' and he was like oh for sure we've never been to kyushu before so :))) and i was like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and i was just really happy ;;; WHAT A ;;;; WHAT A MAN ;;;;; like
i don't want to settle for anything less than studying in japan and i will try my very best this coming year, 2016
OOOH HAVE I TOLD YOU GUYS ABOUT UMBRELLA???
as part of an initiative (as captain i guess you could say, but in general for what the school lacks), with the help of friends we organised a mental health awareness + support group called Umbrella and it's called Umbrella because mental health is often related to clouds above your head/rain but Umbrella will be there to support you along the way y'know
haha well you get the gist
and i'm so happy
like it took quite a bit of organisation and seeing a bunch of teachers, setting a room up for meetings to take place and making a plan for meetings and on each meeting, figuring out what to talk about and what to focus on in terms of goals and such but i'm so happy and glad because we actually have quite a few people coming along to join the club on wednesday lunch times and recently for festivus (which was amazing it had sumo wrestling griffo vs anstey and GRIFFO WON and i was supporting him the whole way against rabia who supported anstey /lols, and performances and awesome stalls) and ok recently for festivus umbrella sold hot and cold drinks and made like $118?? this will go towards beyond blue so!!! I'm SO HAPPY because man i find that pretty successful!!!
rhys is this amazing guy in the years below me but he's so passionate about everything and he just makes me so happy because of the effort he puts into stuff like he made 7 litres of ice tea which didn't end up getting sold much due to all the other drinks and people preferring hot drinks due to the surprisingly cold weather but honestly rhys is such a brave soul and volunteered to talk about his experiences with stress in one meeting
AND ALSO IT WAS SO COOL like we had a stress management meeting before exams and alumni came in and talked about stuff and so did rhys and we have minutes with the advice compiled on it and it's pinned outside on our NOTICE BOARD dO U KNO HOW COOL THAT IS but also like I'M SO HAPPY because like i hope it'll be helpful to kids !!!!! like !!! man!!!! and the COUNSELLOR WAS LIKE hey jesse i'm happy because this group is going well and thank you for your effort in making this group and i was like ;;;;;;;; I'm SO GLAD like NO PROBLEM AT ALL
and like goood OMG ALSO FOR THE UMBRELLA STALL THIS GIRL SAM VOLUNTEERED TO MAKE POSTERS AND AAAAAA THE YWERE SO BEAUTIFUL I WAS ACTUALLY SO HAPPY AND OMG I'M SO HAPPY THAT UMBRELLA HAS SO MANY PASSIONATE BEAUTIFUL HELPFUL MEMBERS LIKE WOW!!!!!!!
YEAH!!!!!
i think it's so important to recognise like all the good things that are happening outside of the house y'know and school and my friends and all the amazing things that others achieve are so worthwhile and keep me grounded
so yeah
holidays have begun and you bet your BUTTS they'll be PRODUCTIVE i have to make griffo proud with JAP WORK!!! AAAAAAAAAAA
ok but maybe not today i'm so tired today :')
tomorrow/// I WILL DO A LOT .......
YEAH
WISH ME LUCK>!??!?!?!?! (i don't need luck i have DETERMINATION aaaa that reminds me undertale is a good game and i'm learning new americana by halsey (AWESOME SINGER MAN) on the piano and one punch man + haikyuu season 2 IS WHAT ENRICHES MY SOUL AAA and yeah nice BD)
see you and i hope everyone has AMAZING things come to then in the end of this year and the year to come. HOPE YOU SMILE HEAPS TODAY!!!! and don't worry about me too much if you are... i just need to get things off my chest sometimes and talk to people and i'll be fine, i'm a spry youth
Showing posts with label japanese. Show all posts
Showing posts with label japanese. Show all posts
Saturday, 19 December 2015
Tuesday, 17 March 2015
entry 31
久しぶりだな。。。〜
How long has it been?
4 months perhaps?
I reckon a lot has happened in that time. I've become a lot more concrete in my goals for the future, I think, and I've definitely been inspired to do my very best in school work because I guess I've realised that you get what you put in and what I'm doing right now is for my own sake, for the future. The future is a prospect I'm so starry-eyed about but I know sometimes I won't be. If, perhaps, my vision becomes clouded in such a way then I want to say to future!Jesse that everyone will always have potential and the world really is your oyster.
Like, in Haikyuu [AN ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL ANIME DUDES, seriously, Nishinoya is my absolute BAE - どうぞ-], as that somewhat important side-coach says to Kageyama and Hinata after their loss in the final match:
"Does losing prove that you're weak?
Isn't losing difficult for everyone?
...A challenge where, after ending up on your hands and knees, you must see if you can stand up again?
PARAPHRASING; isn't it only if you stay on your hands and knees proof that you are weak?"
つもり、get back up yo. The world may be your oyster but it ain't gonna wait. :D Take things into your own hand.
And so here comes another important point I want to make that got me back on my feet after a challenge I had to accept, when I first went back to Japanese at the start of the year. Btw it's week 8 currently and exam week is next week, so time really has been going by fast.
"If you love it so much, learn it well."
If people have watched Haikyuu, like, if, among my readers who aren't any of my friends, have watched Haikyuu - they should know about the situation with Kageyama and Oikawa.
I felt like Oikawa; that suddenly a genius like Kageyama had come along and at that time I'd thought thoughts like "How can I compete against that?"
Like, no.
So this'll get personal, but s'not as if it really hasn't before right?
So this brilliant girl (and I really mean that because her hard-working spirit is evident and so is her passion) was accelerated to the subject I always... entitled myself to. I don't think entitled is the right word. It's just that, before that, I've always thought things like: "Japanese is all I have, it's all I can do good at, therefore it is mine [my subject] to do good at." But why 'mine'? What does that even mean?
I think that loving something is scary. Being passionate about something is scary. There will always also be scary competition and the first step into getting over the fear of competition, I think, is admitting that those competitors are just as passionate as you. If you love a subject, you should want to do well in it > you /want/ to study it, to indulge in it, you feel like it is a huge source of gratification for yourself. This is definitely not a bad thing, not at all. In fact, it's a really good thing - to have enough passion for a subject to have the determination to do well in it.
But it's like, when you love something that much, for me: I want to do my very best in it. Therefore, I want to be the best at it. Do you think that notion is a bit selfish? Selfish may be defined differently in your sense, compare to what i'm referring to, but regardless, I know I'm a very selfish person so in light of competition I don't have much of a problem admitting that I want to 'win'.
Anyway, when I found out that she'd been accelerated and that her accent was magnificent and she obviously knew a lot about her stuff, I kind of got angry at myself for not knowing as much as her. How did I know I didn't know as much as her? Dunno - was that the truth or was I just challenging myself because I saw her as a 'threat' at first? It just struck me that she was very formidable and I wanted to be just as > more.
So I actually went to the teacher, and I was probably being so blunt but I asked him:
Why is she so good? Is it because she works really hard?
And maybe in that question I kinda said [I work hard too, why am I not better?]
SEE how self-orientated that is? Not sure if that is the word - but see how kind of icky that is?? It makes me feel icky just looking at it!
And when I asked him that, I think I nearly cried because everything came at once:
I accepted that she was really good, if not better.
Sir looked at me and said, gently, something along the lines of: "Well, firstly, she's half Korean and Korean is very similar to Japanese in terms of structure. But she also loves it a lot."
I compared myself to her; I just, just loved Japanese so much that I guess it was hard for me to comprehend the fact that someone might "love" it more but how can you really measure love?
And then he said, "But I know you love it as well, which is why you're good at it."
And so I asked, "How do I get better?"
And then we talked about sakubun (writing pieces) and I've been going to him for advice a lot and he told me that I was always welcome to do extra homework and so that's what I've been doing and it doesn't feel like homework to me, it's just fun and I really, really like doing it. I mean, it's for me. I want to be better, and I think it's fair for me to say that my Japanese teachers are key factors in making me want to be more. Y'know, just, more. I'm so speechlessly grateful for the time they take out of their day to encourage and do things for their students, it just astounds me and this is where my 1AM Reflection comes in (I wrote it on my ipod). It's all I can say and I'll copy it down here, but Mr G. especially has been nothing less than a role model and more than pretty much the best teacher I've ever had hands down. Who else would deal with a girl who asks too many questions???
Here:
1AM Reflection
I don't want to say something like "Japanese is the only subject I have/the only thing I'm good at." (I'm hesitant to use the term 'good' because honestly I still don't know everything about the English language; how can I dare to think I even know a lot about Japanese? The best thing to do is probably just understand what I know and what I don't know.)
Basically, on one hand, this is because I think what you're 'good' at is really just determined by your attitude towards it and how you approach it - I don't think, that by ourselves, we can measure what our best is. I believe there is so much potential in all of us, so much that in fact it becomes immeasurable. On the other hand, I feel like a lot of other people view Japanese or a subject in general as something only they 'have'. In the end, isn't it a matter of if your efforts gratify you or not? It makes you feel worthy because of the effort you put in and that's why you stick to it so much - which reinforces my point that 'goodness' is simply determined by your determination to do well.
I try hard because, well, yeah, I get happy if I'm considered 'good' at it. If I'm validated in my efforts. I like putting in the effort to achieve that gratification, but I'm also really in love with the language. This is said as a fact because I honestly believe I would not put so much of myself into it otherwise. Imagining all the people I'll be able to talk to; the culture which will open up to me, which I'll be able to explore...
I'm so grateful to those teachers who have helped me and taught me and I think I might be a little in love with them too, because they're both people I want to be when I'm an adult. They make me want to become a better person.
Also, storytellers are the best kind of people. I feel like they are the people who have just gotten so much out of life - and surely they'll get more - that they can't help but let those words touch other people: y'know, to achieve that and have that kind of special glint in your eyes when you tell your stories, that's something really wonderful. And the ability to inspire people - that's just crazy.
The highest praise and comment I can give is that I just want to be like them when I'm older.
----
and then it ended there because I was sleepy.
there was this one point also, when jap first started, there was this joke that my friend kept on making about us two being the "alpha"s and i was really uncomfortable because of that and i was just kinda hoping she'd stop making the joke until one day she said it and it was just really loud and my other friend looked at us in a kind of "ummm" way and said, "really guys?" and i kind of immediately was just like wait no!! no!!!!! it wasn't me who said it, i don't think i'm an 'alpha' like EVERYONE is trying really hard and it just like
well, i got angry at jam and i made it obvious that i didn't like the joke and felt like it was just really not good.. spirit?? you feel
anyway it was all good
i apologised after because i shouldn't have been so harsh and the angel just replied with, no it's okay, it's refreshing to see you angry.
i'm happy that we didn't have much of a big fight!
ANYWAY, i might continue this another day but I wanted to speak about another topic today ;;
yes it is time for my teenage shoujo life to come into play again /cough cough hahahhaa...a.a.. shoujo.....
but anyway,
ah,
the heart of a teenage girl.
so if i haven't established that i'm completely over canoe guy, then well, here it is. this is the sentence. take in in.
yep.
well, i am.
and do you remember jude?
not lady bug guy, or fish or ace or anyone else i may've nicknamed....
but yeah, that guy i called pretty in the spur of the moment when i was in that stage of "if u think anything nice you absolutely HAVE to say it HANDS DOWN, HANDS DOWN. HANDS. DOWN U GOT THAT PUNK??? NEED TO SAY IT NWEEDEENEDABAOSLUTELYNEEDEOTHERWISEHTEYWON'TFEELURFEELING--"
well
in that youngin' stage of mine (though i still hold to that belief very well and perhaps should apply it more often) - well, yeah. i guess i've always been kinda conscious of him because he was v. aesthetically pleasing and in that manner i'm shallow, but i'd always just kinda appreciated from afar because of the strong belief that 'wow i am a shy girl/he is popular=i am awkward, things like this will never end well' and y'know i'm still like that and it's just kind of hard to believe that relationships will be possible because i always work myself up too much, y'know, that whole thing with impulses /nods.
wow, just had a thought: isn't this SUCH a weird thing to be talking about after that whole seriousness of the above section? hehe ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
well, i'll just scale things up to today (there's really only one thing that happened on that life-changing japanese trip that i can't believe i haven't written about yet.... but there's just... so much...... hey maybe my not writing it can be seen as how i'm just that speechless about what an experience it was........) -
there was this one time in japan where i was wearing my senpai (jam)'s hatsune miku hat and jude was on the trip as well and was like omg jesse is that hatsune miku and i looked at him and grinned and was like yeah it is! and was secretly pleasantly surprised he even knew what hatsune miku was???
anyway it was a nice, fleeting interaction and it's always those ones that make my day and always stick with me
today, for eng ext, i had to present with two friends let's call one buddy (because i used to talk to him about games and stuff when i was young...........) and the other jasmine because she's like princess jasmine from aladdin, she's really pretty!!
well our presentation was about psychoanalytical criticism
and at first i had a plan to make people laugh with this lil skit about freudan slips and it worked except i entered that rambling stage and was like "so yeah if i were a guy-- wait no, okay if i were a girl-- wait no i am a girl nevermind" and people laughed and i'm glad they laughed at my stumblings, but anyway, it came to my points about freud and how he was sexist and coined dubious things like "penis envy/oedipus complex/castration anxiety" and i kinda was like hmmm i don't feel comfortable saying the p word i mean like y'know so i just said peepee and passed it off as that and everyone began laughing and sir bro (teacher's name is that btw so i'll call him that) was like i don't know why you're fine with saying oedipus complex and castration anxiety but not peepee envy" and then i was like nah well if u wanna say it its fine and then he was like yeah okay tru and began talking to the class about how they should be mature about terms like the p word and how that shouldn't have laughed at my 'peepee' term and THEN he began naming like a bunch of genital uh parts and the class was just like omfg and i was just like omg sir and just turned away and was like i can't believe this like really uncomfortably and it was just really funny
anyway, after i did my explanation, i also had to mention that a feminist called Karen Horney challenged Freud's view and it was all going so well until buddy laughed and then everyone else laughed and me and sir bro were just like i can't believe this but also it was very amusing
anyway
squizz (i think i mentioned her before, she's a fellow src member and friend :D) commented how the "peepee" thing was the highlight of her day which was rly cute and i was like ;; i'm glad it made u laugh
squizz is the type of person who's like the sun, y'know? i think i've talked about people being like suns before but she's the type of person who inspires you to be little bit more; the type of person you're glad exists because they're the types who bother to do little things that make you happy? such as compliments on random days and wide smiles and iunno she spreads laughter like wildfire
anyway, when i was in sac, she was like jesse i have something to tell u
and i was like ???? go ahead
and she was like it's not big or anything
and i was like haha go ahead man
and she said something along the lines of: (i may be paraphrasing???) okay well when i was laughing and stuff like everyone was laughing but i was looking at jude and he was laughing at everything you said and i just thought how cute you two would be together
and i kinda was like o...oh
because y'know?? maybe i thought about....... oh man this is so embarassing, but it's like u know, you ever think about something along the lines like "if we got together" and hhhh wow
look at me and my deep dark romantic side coming to the surface
actually no one's ever really said that to me before so it surprised me as well, aha, and i guess it made me happy? y'know, i guess it was something like wow someone thinks i can be in a relationship with someone else??
ugh is this a weirdly self-depricating train of thought??
i don't mean to put myself down but i don't really view it as putting myself down because that's how i've been thinking
yeah
odd right
anyway
what's scary is that, well, hey TIME FOR MORE HARD TO FOLLOW COPY PASTE FACEBOOK CHATS:
also wow hey i'll be creating a new tag for jude
How long has it been?
4 months perhaps?
I reckon a lot has happened in that time. I've become a lot more concrete in my goals for the future, I think, and I've definitely been inspired to do my very best in school work because I guess I've realised that you get what you put in and what I'm doing right now is for my own sake, for the future. The future is a prospect I'm so starry-eyed about but I know sometimes I won't be. If, perhaps, my vision becomes clouded in such a way then I want to say to future!Jesse that everyone will always have potential and the world really is your oyster.
Like, in Haikyuu [AN ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL ANIME DUDES, seriously, Nishinoya is my absolute BAE - どうぞ-], as that somewhat important side-coach says to Kageyama and Hinata after their loss in the final match:
"Does losing prove that you're weak?
Isn't losing difficult for everyone?
...A challenge where, after ending up on your hands and knees, you must see if you can stand up again?
PARAPHRASING; isn't it only if you stay on your hands and knees proof that you are weak?"
つもり、get back up yo. The world may be your oyster but it ain't gonna wait. :D Take things into your own hand.
And so here comes another important point I want to make that got me back on my feet after a challenge I had to accept, when I first went back to Japanese at the start of the year. Btw it's week 8 currently and exam week is next week, so time really has been going by fast.
"If you love it so much, learn it well."
If people have watched Haikyuu, like, if, among my readers who aren't any of my friends, have watched Haikyuu - they should know about the situation with Kageyama and Oikawa.
I felt like Oikawa; that suddenly a genius like Kageyama had come along and at that time I'd thought thoughts like "How can I compete against that?"
Like, no.
So this'll get personal, but s'not as if it really hasn't before right?
So this brilliant girl (and I really mean that because her hard-working spirit is evident and so is her passion) was accelerated to the subject I always... entitled myself to. I don't think entitled is the right word. It's just that, before that, I've always thought things like: "Japanese is all I have, it's all I can do good at, therefore it is mine [my subject] to do good at." But why 'mine'? What does that even mean?
I think that loving something is scary. Being passionate about something is scary. There will always also be scary competition and the first step into getting over the fear of competition, I think, is admitting that those competitors are just as passionate as you. If you love a subject, you should want to do well in it > you /want/ to study it, to indulge in it, you feel like it is a huge source of gratification for yourself. This is definitely not a bad thing, not at all. In fact, it's a really good thing - to have enough passion for a subject to have the determination to do well in it.
But it's like, when you love something that much, for me: I want to do my very best in it. Therefore, I want to be the best at it. Do you think that notion is a bit selfish? Selfish may be defined differently in your sense, compare to what i'm referring to, but regardless, I know I'm a very selfish person so in light of competition I don't have much of a problem admitting that I want to 'win'.
Anyway, when I found out that she'd been accelerated and that her accent was magnificent and she obviously knew a lot about her stuff, I kind of got angry at myself for not knowing as much as her. How did I know I didn't know as much as her? Dunno - was that the truth or was I just challenging myself because I saw her as a 'threat' at first? It just struck me that she was very formidable and I wanted to be just as > more.
So I actually went to the teacher, and I was probably being so blunt but I asked him:
Why is she so good? Is it because she works really hard?
And maybe in that question I kinda said [I work hard too, why am I not better?]
SEE how self-orientated that is? Not sure if that is the word - but see how kind of icky that is?? It makes me feel icky just looking at it!
And when I asked him that, I think I nearly cried because everything came at once:
I accepted that she was really good, if not better.
Sir looked at me and said, gently, something along the lines of: "Well, firstly, she's half Korean and Korean is very similar to Japanese in terms of structure. But she also loves it a lot."
I compared myself to her; I just, just loved Japanese so much that I guess it was hard for me to comprehend the fact that someone might "love" it more but how can you really measure love?
And then he said, "But I know you love it as well, which is why you're good at it."
And so I asked, "How do I get better?"
And then we talked about sakubun (writing pieces) and I've been going to him for advice a lot and he told me that I was always welcome to do extra homework and so that's what I've been doing and it doesn't feel like homework to me, it's just fun and I really, really like doing it. I mean, it's for me. I want to be better, and I think it's fair for me to say that my Japanese teachers are key factors in making me want to be more. Y'know, just, more. I'm so speechlessly grateful for the time they take out of their day to encourage and do things for their students, it just astounds me and this is where my 1AM Reflection comes in (I wrote it on my ipod). It's all I can say and I'll copy it down here, but Mr G. especially has been nothing less than a role model and more than pretty much the best teacher I've ever had hands down. Who else would deal with a girl who asks too many questions???
Here:
1AM Reflection
I don't want to say something like "Japanese is the only subject I have/the only thing I'm good at." (I'm hesitant to use the term 'good' because honestly I still don't know everything about the English language; how can I dare to think I even know a lot about Japanese? The best thing to do is probably just understand what I know and what I don't know.)
Basically, on one hand, this is because I think what you're 'good' at is really just determined by your attitude towards it and how you approach it - I don't think, that by ourselves, we can measure what our best is. I believe there is so much potential in all of us, so much that in fact it becomes immeasurable. On the other hand, I feel like a lot of other people view Japanese or a subject in general as something only they 'have'. In the end, isn't it a matter of if your efforts gratify you or not? It makes you feel worthy because of the effort you put in and that's why you stick to it so much - which reinforces my point that 'goodness' is simply determined by your determination to do well.
I try hard because, well, yeah, I get happy if I'm considered 'good' at it. If I'm validated in my efforts. I like putting in the effort to achieve that gratification, but I'm also really in love with the language. This is said as a fact because I honestly believe I would not put so much of myself into it otherwise. Imagining all the people I'll be able to talk to; the culture which will open up to me, which I'll be able to explore...
I'm so grateful to those teachers who have helped me and taught me and I think I might be a little in love with them too, because they're both people I want to be when I'm an adult. They make me want to become a better person.
Also, storytellers are the best kind of people. I feel like they are the people who have just gotten so much out of life - and surely they'll get more - that they can't help but let those words touch other people: y'know, to achieve that and have that kind of special glint in your eyes when you tell your stories, that's something really wonderful. And the ability to inspire people - that's just crazy.
The highest praise and comment I can give is that I just want to be like them when I'm older.
----
and then it ended there because I was sleepy.
there was this one point also, when jap first started, there was this joke that my friend kept on making about us two being the "alpha"s and i was really uncomfortable because of that and i was just kinda hoping she'd stop making the joke until one day she said it and it was just really loud and my other friend looked at us in a kind of "ummm" way and said, "really guys?" and i kind of immediately was just like wait no!! no!!!!! it wasn't me who said it, i don't think i'm an 'alpha' like EVERYONE is trying really hard and it just like
well, i got angry at jam and i made it obvious that i didn't like the joke and felt like it was just really not good.. spirit?? you feel
anyway it was all good
i apologised after because i shouldn't have been so harsh and the angel just replied with, no it's okay, it's refreshing to see you angry.
i'm happy that we didn't have much of a big fight!
ANYWAY, i might continue this another day but I wanted to speak about another topic today ;;
yes it is time for my teenage shoujo life to come into play again /cough cough hahahhaa...a.a.. shoujo.....
but anyway,
ah,
the heart of a teenage girl.
so if i haven't established that i'm completely over canoe guy, then well, here it is. this is the sentence. take in in.
yep.
well, i am.
and do you remember jude?
not lady bug guy, or fish or ace or anyone else i may've nicknamed....
but yeah, that guy i called pretty in the spur of the moment when i was in that stage of "if u think anything nice you absolutely HAVE to say it HANDS DOWN, HANDS DOWN. HANDS. DOWN U GOT THAT PUNK??? NEED TO SAY IT NWEEDEENEDABAOSLUTELYNEEDEOTHERWISEHTEYWON'TFEELURFEELING--"
well
in that youngin' stage of mine (though i still hold to that belief very well and perhaps should apply it more often) - well, yeah. i guess i've always been kinda conscious of him because he was v. aesthetically pleasing and in that manner i'm shallow, but i'd always just kinda appreciated from afar because of the strong belief that 'wow i am a shy girl/he is popular=i am awkward, things like this will never end well' and y'know i'm still like that and it's just kind of hard to believe that relationships will be possible because i always work myself up too much, y'know, that whole thing with impulses /nods.
wow, just had a thought: isn't this SUCH a weird thing to be talking about after that whole seriousness of the above section? hehe ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
well, i'll just scale things up to today (there's really only one thing that happened on that life-changing japanese trip that i can't believe i haven't written about yet.... but there's just... so much...... hey maybe my not writing it can be seen as how i'm just that speechless about what an experience it was........) -
there was this one time in japan where i was wearing my senpai (jam)'s hatsune miku hat and jude was on the trip as well and was like omg jesse is that hatsune miku and i looked at him and grinned and was like yeah it is! and was secretly pleasantly surprised he even knew what hatsune miku was???
anyway it was a nice, fleeting interaction and it's always those ones that make my day and always stick with me
today, for eng ext, i had to present with two friends let's call one buddy (because i used to talk to him about games and stuff when i was young...........) and the other jasmine because she's like princess jasmine from aladdin, she's really pretty!!
well our presentation was about psychoanalytical criticism
and at first i had a plan to make people laugh with this lil skit about freudan slips and it worked except i entered that rambling stage and was like "so yeah if i were a guy-- wait no, okay if i were a girl-- wait no i am a girl nevermind" and people laughed and i'm glad they laughed at my stumblings, but anyway, it came to my points about freud and how he was sexist and coined dubious things like "penis envy/oedipus complex/castration anxiety" and i kinda was like hmmm i don't feel comfortable saying the p word i mean like y'know so i just said peepee and passed it off as that and everyone began laughing and sir bro (teacher's name is that btw so i'll call him that) was like i don't know why you're fine with saying oedipus complex and castration anxiety but not peepee envy" and then i was like nah well if u wanna say it its fine and then he was like yeah okay tru and began talking to the class about how they should be mature about terms like the p word and how that shouldn't have laughed at my 'peepee' term and THEN he began naming like a bunch of genital uh parts and the class was just like omfg and i was just like omg sir and just turned away and was like i can't believe this like really uncomfortably and it was just really funny
anyway, after i did my explanation, i also had to mention that a feminist called Karen Horney challenged Freud's view and it was all going so well until buddy laughed and then everyone else laughed and me and sir bro were just like i can't believe this but also it was very amusing
anyway
squizz (i think i mentioned her before, she's a fellow src member and friend :D) commented how the "peepee" thing was the highlight of her day which was rly cute and i was like ;; i'm glad it made u laugh
squizz is the type of person who's like the sun, y'know? i think i've talked about people being like suns before but she's the type of person who inspires you to be little bit more; the type of person you're glad exists because they're the types who bother to do little things that make you happy? such as compliments on random days and wide smiles and iunno she spreads laughter like wildfire
anyway, when i was in sac, she was like jesse i have something to tell u
and i was like ???? go ahead
and she was like it's not big or anything
and i was like haha go ahead man
and she said something along the lines of: (i may be paraphrasing???) okay well when i was laughing and stuff like everyone was laughing but i was looking at jude and he was laughing at everything you said and i just thought how cute you two would be together
and i kinda was like o...oh
because y'know?? maybe i thought about....... oh man this is so embarassing, but it's like u know, you ever think about something along the lines like "if we got together" and hhhh wow
look at me and my deep dark romantic side coming to the surface
actually no one's ever really said that to me before so it surprised me as well, aha, and i guess it made me happy? y'know, i guess it was something like wow someone thinks i can be in a relationship with someone else??
ugh is this a weirdly self-depricating train of thought??
i don't mean to put myself down but i don't really view it as putting myself down because that's how i've been thinking
yeah
odd right
anyway
what's scary is that, well, hey TIME FOR MORE HARD TO FOLLOW COPY PASTE FACEBOOK CHATS:
- me: DUDE THAT SONG IS BEAUTIFUL!!! SING IT WITH ME WHEN I LEARN THE LYRICS ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
- cookie:lol sure thing bro
- cookie:
- me:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The scary thing with me is that it is soo easy to work me up -- i feel like i CONNECT with that song i linked in cookie's convo, seriously
"Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up then I let myself down"
ME!!! but also the last verse is cute
Oh you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And promise you kid to give so much more than I get yeah
I just haven't met you yet
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And promise you kid to give so much more than I get yeah
I just haven't met you yet
what a cute right
there's also the fact that motherhen is calling this adorable and for some reason that makes me happy and well i don't want that to make me happy coz it can kinda pave way towards those feelies again esp coz i feel like in the back of my mind i will be holding onto a hope, that's just how i am with all my romantic notions and in the end i really do love the idea of things like that happening and i feel like i'm getting a bit vague
ah yes let's change back to the normal font
but anyway
going step by step and not over-thinking is probably the way to go, right? :)
so hopefully i'll be updating more soon!!! this is a new year after all, hehe. got to keep a record of my life B)
well, goodbye!!! have a beautiful day and i hope you smile lots today and tomorrow and always! smiling is good for ur face also oatmeal is love
Monday, 17 November 2014
entry 29
so today i realised i was proud of myself :)))) (though i'm not proud of the fact that i haVE NOT RETOLD THE STORIES OF JAPAN BECAUSE THAT WAS LIKE THE BEST WEEKS OF MY LIFE AND I HAVEN'T BOTHERED TO WRITE ABOUT THEM??? when the holiday comes i swear to god i will write about it all, i'm gonna stick a post-it note to my toilet so every time i go take a dump it's staring at me and i get uncomfortable and inclined to actually do it)
and, well, it was interesting coz this is kind of a week of stress for me. i have this science presentation to wing, a pe dance to follow up on because i didn't get to do it before japan and now my pe teacher looks at me with this meaningful look that makes me nervous, i have a maths test on wednesday and a drama script to memorise seeing as i have this kind of main role as this kid called Billie who acts like a pirate - and this is for Youth Theatre and we're gonna go performing around random primary schools in a couple of weeks, so I SHOULD really get onto those...
and also dragO NAGEG INQUSITUINTON COMES OUT IN 3 DAYS /SCREAMS. 3 days could not be any longer, I swear. it's a kind of pleasurable pain, you know? ;v; /wistful sigh. so close yet so far.
but today i found out that i got the highest mark in my class for my japanese presentation and i was really happy, hehe. it was funny because during the presentation, i panicked and paused during my speech (it was this speech about a monster you have to make up - describing the monster's personality and appearance - i came up with this rabbit thing that had lots of legs and ate children after drinking orange juice at the park - like imagine this lil cute rabbit thang popping up from behind the bushes but as the bush trembles and it begins to reveal itself you get the feeling that something is horribly wrong and BAM THE LIL BUNNY HAS A THOUSAND SPIDER LEGS/ENEMONIE (sp????) LIKE LEGS AND CHILLS RUN DOWN YOUR BACK AND SUDDENLY IT NYOOMS TOWARDS YOU WITH LIGHTNING SPEED and ur ded
yeah that was my monster
but anyway i got nervous and me and my friends were talking about nervous habits one day and she said that i had the habit of jumping around/releasing my energy in that way and i was like ye and well that's what i did like i began jumping around and going "holD ON I KNOW THIS" and everyone laughed and i was happy that people laughed and well yeah that happened
and today we were given our marks and that dude jude was like sir who got the top mark and sir was like well.. no one..... but jesse got the highest at 19.5 and za was like did she lose half a mark because she started jumping and everyone laughed again and sir was like yes that (but it was because i paused) but hehe i'm okay with that!!!!
i've also been exercising and getting better at holding my times and extending the time on the treadmill - my highest that i can recount is going at 10km 3% incline for around 7 mins non-stop? and then my highest speed is 11km but at like either 5% incline or 2% but either way, i'm proud. I can also do push ups now with relative ease and i'm very happy, i just gotta learn how to do the triangle push-up things but yeah. i'm really happy.
i haven't been updating much and partly, that's due to so many things happening at the same time but you know, even the friendly-acquaintance stories - i used to be so "CRAP I HAVE TO UPDATE!! SOMETHING HAPPENED TODAY!!!" but y'see things like this have been happening so often that i haven't had time to update and that's an interesting thing to note, i reckon, hehe. i'll see what i can do about sharing them as they pop up though!!
also SRC CAMP:
this huge wall of text is a summary, good luck to anyone who'd even wanna read it all:
------
src camp was AMAZING!!!!!
I MADE FRIENDS WITH THIS RLY CUTE ASIAN
GIRL HER NAME IS ANGELYN SHE'S LIKE MY
LIL SIS I S2G SHE
IS SO ADORABLE
and EVERYONE WAS JUST GREAT
AND IT WAS SO COOL!!
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:28
Brianna
Omg... angel
not angel
anyone but angel haha
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:29
Jesse
yeah, claire called me up yesterday at
midnight and we talked and i researched
some things and we came up with ways to
go about comforting her
whaaaat angel is so cute!
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:30
Brianna
I'm glad she has people who she can
depend on. You guys are the best haha
she's an interesting character
did you get closer to the girl reps?
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:30
Jesse
yeah, and i'm really glad everyone in the
year is so caring!
i... i think i did............ it was
really...
weird....................................
....
like at night we were all talking about
"girl stuff" you know and i was kinda
silent coz they all had their inside
jokes and i did admittedly feel kinda
like a third wheel and it was weird coz i
felt a bit more comfortable with the guys than
the girls
but
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:32
Brianna
Yeah, I see what you mean
I should have said something to squizz
asking to include you a bit more
Well at least you have made closer
friends!~
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:32
Jesse
i ended up telling them about canoe guy
and they were telling me about their
experiences and stuff and they ended up
fangirling so hard about my story and
shiz and we all ended up talking about
how my group was kinda isolated and it
was really nice because they all were so
enthusiastic about wanting the other
people in the year to get to know the
group better
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:33
Jesse
hehe oh bri-chi you are just beautiful
we did warm and fuzzies
if you were there i think i would've run
out of paper with the things i have to
say B)))))))))))))))))
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:35
Jesse
i think one of the sweetest things that
was said to me on my warm and fuzzies was
how omoiyari said he truly considered me
a mate and that he was thankful for that
i was reading it on the way home and i
teared up and then when i got home i was
like you know i still have so many things
to say, my warm and fuzzy was kinda short
so let's write a lil letter thing
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:35
Jesse
so now i have a lil letter to give
omoiyari /nods coz there was that time in
japan when he asked me to help him with
his self intro and i felt so honoured and
that one time when i was in his intro
drama class and i told him he was like my
bro but didn't expand on it so i think he
got weirded out but in my letter i
explained what i meant
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:36
Jesse
so it's all g now /nods
I AM SO READY FOR EVERYTHING
also i became the src secretary
i have to take minutes and everything and
honestly it's pretty intense
IT WAS REALLY WEIRD BRI-CHI MY SRC CAMP
EXPERIENCE IS A MESS
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:37
Brianna
Omg, they all sound so nice QQ
like a beautiful family
you guys are all really close now and
that's so good
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:38
Jesse
!!!!!! IT'S SO EXCITING I'M SO EXCITED!!!
yeah and MM tenshi and squiz was like
jesse u have to USE ur connections
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:38
Brianna
warm and fuzzies make me cry
omg, SECRETARY THOUGH
THAT'S A BIG RESPONSIBILITY
aawww, and you and omoiyari
01/11/2014 22:39
Brianna
I'm sure he'd be touched by your letter
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:39
Jesse
YEAH I KNOW
!! AND the reason i went for secretary in
the first place
was because omoiyari actually said he
thought i'd make a good secretary
Jesse Tran
01/11/2014 22:39
Jesse
and told me about it and stuff and i was
really surprised
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:40
Brianna
i'm so proud of you QQ
Such a big job
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:41
Jesse
yeah, today i spent the day compiling the
minutes and i finished and i'm happy
deputybro is my lil deputy secretary bro
he's so cool man
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:42
Brianna
omg deputybro
he's so swag
and cool
and kool
and swag
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:42
Jesse
yeah, he played the guitar
we had a karaoke night
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:42
Brianna
do you have to do that every week?
did you sing
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:43
Jesse
yeah i do
yeah i did but it was group singing B)
although the camp was this huge
conference of ideas and there was just
everything
so i think in the little meetings,
there'll be a tad less work to do
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:45
Brianna
aww, you should have gone solo
and awed everyone with your singing
skillz
did you get closer to dbunks and cbell?
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:46
Jesse
squizz was constantly hinting at it but
we all sang together anyway B)
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:46
Brianna
and did you share the 2 ply toilet paper
idea
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:46
Jesse
yeah it was so cool!! ACTUALLY CBELL
SHARED THE 2 PLY TOILET PAPER IDEA I
THINK I WAS LIKE HECKIE YEAH MAN
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:46
Brianna
OMG YASSS
FINALLY
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:46
Jesse
apparently the src have been trying to
get two ply ever since
it's just never happened and it's not a
main priority so i guess we'll see what
happens LOL
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:47
Brianna
omg yasss my dreams are coming true
:< so sad
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:47
Jesse
LOL finally, you get to wipe ur butt with
silky smoothness
dw i may be able to smuggle some 2 ply
just for u
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:47
Brianna
thanks, that would be appreciated
and maybe some scented thingos in the
toilet
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:47
Jesse
i didn't talk to dbunks much but i defs
talked to cbell more and we sat next to
each other and it was pretty funny there
were jokes
his warm and fuzzie to me was also super
nice /sob
LOL
sure
maybe some scented hand crafted soap
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:48
Brianna
made from goats milk
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:49
Jesse
I ACTUALLY HAVE SOAP MADE FROM COCONUT
AND BANANA
IT SMELLS SOOOO GOOD
-----
and yeah that should be a summary and the names are censored like usual. hopefully. omoiyari told me the letter was beautiful and it was really funny hehe. and there's more to come later, but i should get ready for school tomorrow!
bye friends, i hope smiles light up all ur pretty faces and everything good happens to you!!
ALSO I WENT TO BBALL LAST WEEK AND PLAN TO GO AGAIN THIS WEEK /SCREAMS
also i've introduced katie to oatmeal AND dragon age and she loves both /CACKLES MANIACALLY
ah, oatmeal <3
my friends ellie and claire made a bet i'd get sick of oatmeal by next year but i won't
just u guys see
B)
and, well, it was interesting coz this is kind of a week of stress for me. i have this science presentation to wing, a pe dance to follow up on because i didn't get to do it before japan and now my pe teacher looks at me with this meaningful look that makes me nervous, i have a maths test on wednesday and a drama script to memorise seeing as i have this kind of main role as this kid called Billie who acts like a pirate - and this is for Youth Theatre and we're gonna go performing around random primary schools in a couple of weeks, so I SHOULD really get onto those...
and also dragO NAGEG INQUSITUINTON COMES OUT IN 3 DAYS /SCREAMS. 3 days could not be any longer, I swear. it's a kind of pleasurable pain, you know? ;v; /wistful sigh. so close yet so far.
but today i found out that i got the highest mark in my class for my japanese presentation and i was really happy, hehe. it was funny because during the presentation, i panicked and paused during my speech (it was this speech about a monster you have to make up - describing the monster's personality and appearance - i came up with this rabbit thing that had lots of legs and ate children after drinking orange juice at the park - like imagine this lil cute rabbit thang popping up from behind the bushes but as the bush trembles and it begins to reveal itself you get the feeling that something is horribly wrong and BAM THE LIL BUNNY HAS A THOUSAND SPIDER LEGS/ENEMONIE (sp????) LIKE LEGS AND CHILLS RUN DOWN YOUR BACK AND SUDDENLY IT NYOOMS TOWARDS YOU WITH LIGHTNING SPEED and ur ded
yeah that was my monster
but anyway i got nervous and me and my friends were talking about nervous habits one day and she said that i had the habit of jumping around/releasing my energy in that way and i was like ye and well that's what i did like i began jumping around and going "holD ON I KNOW THIS" and everyone laughed and i was happy that people laughed and well yeah that happened
and today we were given our marks and that dude jude was like sir who got the top mark and sir was like well.. no one..... but jesse got the highest at 19.5 and za was like did she lose half a mark because she started jumping and everyone laughed again and sir was like yes that (but it was because i paused) but hehe i'm okay with that!!!!
i've also been exercising and getting better at holding my times and extending the time on the treadmill - my highest that i can recount is going at 10km 3% incline for around 7 mins non-stop? and then my highest speed is 11km but at like either 5% incline or 2% but either way, i'm proud. I can also do push ups now with relative ease and i'm very happy, i just gotta learn how to do the triangle push-up things but yeah. i'm really happy.
i haven't been updating much and partly, that's due to so many things happening at the same time but you know, even the friendly-acquaintance stories - i used to be so "CRAP I HAVE TO UPDATE!! SOMETHING HAPPENED TODAY!!!" but y'see things like this have been happening so often that i haven't had time to update and that's an interesting thing to note, i reckon, hehe. i'll see what i can do about sharing them as they pop up though!!
also SRC CAMP:
this huge wall of text is a summary, good luck to anyone who'd even wanna read it all:
------
src camp was AMAZING!!!!!
I MADE FRIENDS WITH THIS RLY CUTE ASIAN
GIRL HER NAME IS ANGELYN SHE'S LIKE MY
LIL SIS I S2G SHE
IS SO ADORABLE
and EVERYONE WAS JUST GREAT
AND IT WAS SO COOL!!
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:28
Brianna
Omg... angel
not angel
anyone but angel haha
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:29
Jesse
yeah, claire called me up yesterday at
midnight and we talked and i researched
some things and we came up with ways to
go about comforting her
whaaaat angel is so cute!
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:30
Brianna
I'm glad she has people who she can
depend on. You guys are the best haha
she's an interesting character
did you get closer to the girl reps?
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:30
Jesse
yeah, and i'm really glad everyone in the
year is so caring!
i... i think i did............ it was
really...
weird....................................
....
like at night we were all talking about
"girl stuff" you know and i was kinda
silent coz they all had their inside
jokes and i did admittedly feel kinda
like a third wheel and it was weird coz i
felt a bit more comfortable with the guys than
the girls
but
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:32
Brianna
Yeah, I see what you mean
I should have said something to squizz
asking to include you a bit more
Well at least you have made closer
friends!~
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:32
Jesse
i ended up telling them about canoe guy
and they were telling me about their
experiences and stuff and they ended up
fangirling so hard about my story and
shiz and we all ended up talking about
how my group was kinda isolated and it
was really nice because they all were so
enthusiastic about wanting the other
people in the year to get to know the
group better
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:33
Jesse
hehe oh bri-chi you are just beautiful
we did warm and fuzzies
if you were there i think i would've run
out of paper with the things i have to
say B)))))))))))))))))
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:35
Jesse
i think one of the sweetest things that
was said to me on my warm and fuzzies was
how omoiyari said he truly considered me
a mate and that he was thankful for that
i was reading it on the way home and i
teared up and then when i got home i was
like you know i still have so many things
to say, my warm and fuzzy was kinda short
so let's write a lil letter thing
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:35
Jesse
so now i have a lil letter to give
omoiyari /nods coz there was that time in
japan when he asked me to help him with
his self intro and i felt so honoured and
that one time when i was in his intro
drama class and i told him he was like my
bro but didn't expand on it so i think he
got weirded out but in my letter i
explained what i meant
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:36
Jesse
so it's all g now /nods
I AM SO READY FOR EVERYTHING
also i became the src secretary
i have to take minutes and everything and
honestly it's pretty intense
IT WAS REALLY WEIRD BRI-CHI MY SRC CAMP
EXPERIENCE IS A MESS
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:37
Brianna
Omg, they all sound so nice QQ
like a beautiful family
you guys are all really close now and
that's so good
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:38
Jesse
!!!!!! IT'S SO EXCITING I'M SO EXCITED!!!
yeah and MM tenshi and squiz was like
jesse u have to USE ur connections
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:38
Brianna
warm and fuzzies make me cry
omg, SECRETARY THOUGH
THAT'S A BIG RESPONSIBILITY
aawww, and you and omoiyari
01/11/2014 22:39
Brianna
I'm sure he'd be touched by your letter
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:39
Jesse
YEAH I KNOW
!! AND the reason i went for secretary in
the first place
was because omoiyari actually said he
thought i'd make a good secretary
Jesse Tran
01/11/2014 22:39
Jesse
and told me about it and stuff and i was
really surprised
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:40
Brianna
i'm so proud of you QQ
Such a big job
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:41
Jesse
yeah, today i spent the day compiling the
minutes and i finished and i'm happy
deputybro is my lil deputy secretary bro
he's so cool man
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:42
Brianna
omg deputybro
he's so swag
and cool
and kool
and swag
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:42
Jesse
yeah, he played the guitar
we had a karaoke night
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:42
Brianna
do you have to do that every week?
did you sing
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:43
Jesse
yeah i do
yeah i did but it was group singing B)
although the camp was this huge
conference of ideas and there was just
everything
so i think in the little meetings,
there'll be a tad less work to do
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:45
Brianna
aww, you should have gone solo
and awed everyone with your singing
skillz
did you get closer to dbunks and cbell?
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:46
Jesse
squizz was constantly hinting at it but
we all sang together anyway B)
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:46
Brianna
and did you share the 2 ply toilet paper
idea
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:46
Jesse
yeah it was so cool!! ACTUALLY CBELL
SHARED THE 2 PLY TOILET PAPER IDEA I
THINK I WAS LIKE HECKIE YEAH MAN
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:46
Brianna
OMG YASSS
FINALLY
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:46
Jesse
apparently the src have been trying to
get two ply ever since
it's just never happened and it's not a
main priority so i guess we'll see what
happens LOL
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:47
Brianna
omg yasss my dreams are coming true
:< so sad
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:47
Jesse
LOL finally, you get to wipe ur butt with
silky smoothness
dw i may be able to smuggle some 2 ply
just for u
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:47
Brianna
thanks, that would be appreciated
and maybe some scented thingos in the
toilet
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:47
Jesse
i didn't talk to dbunks much but i defs
talked to cbell more and we sat next to
each other and it was pretty funny there
were jokes
his warm and fuzzie to me was also super
nice /sob
LOL
sure
maybe some scented hand crafted soap
Brianna
01/11/2014 22:48
Brianna
made from goats milk
Jesse
01/11/2014 22:49
Jesse
I ACTUALLY HAVE SOAP MADE FROM COCONUT
AND BANANA
IT SMELLS SOOOO GOOD
-----
and yeah that should be a summary and the names are censored like usual. hopefully. omoiyari told me the letter was beautiful and it was really funny hehe. and there's more to come later, but i should get ready for school tomorrow!
bye friends, i hope smiles light up all ur pretty faces and everything good happens to you!!
ALSO I WENT TO BBALL LAST WEEK AND PLAN TO GO AGAIN THIS WEEK /SCREAMS
also i've introduced katie to oatmeal AND dragon age and she loves both /CACKLES MANIACALLY
ah, oatmeal <3
my friends ellie and claire made a bet i'd get sick of oatmeal by next year but i won't
just u guys see
B)
Wednesday, 15 October 2014
entry 28
so this kinda just made my day, yeah:
Jesse Tran 18:15
today i SHIPPED ELLIE AND [SN] SO HARD Jesse Tran 18:15 Jesse Tran BASICALLY Jesse Tran 18:15 Jesse Tran ellie and ruby were sitting on the table and ruby was moving her legs up and down and [osborne] and [SN] were talking to each other and ellie was like ruby stop moving ur legs (coz it was shaking the table) and ruby kept doing it and then [SN] held out his leg to stop her and i was like /sob Jesse Tran 18:15 Jesse Tran i ship them so hard they were also sassing each other Brianna Nguyen 18:18 Brianna Nguyen Omg [SN] [osborne] is probably one of the nicest guys in the year Btw he voted for you Jesse Tran 18:42 Jesse Tran YES [SN] Brianna Nguyen 18:42 Brianna Nguyen never imagined tht couple Jesse Tran 18:42 Jesse Tran /SOB don't tell me these things i'm gonna cry because he's so nice THEY ARE ADORABLE TOGETHER THEIR SASS IS PERF and like i don't know who but ellie said she liked someone and claire ruby and i were just sobbing over how cute it was Brianna Nguyen 18:44 Brianna Nguyen Oh yeah she told us at harriet's party that she likes someone but she wouldn;t tell us who Jesse Tran 18:47 Jesse Tran yeah ;; Brianna Nguyen 18:47 Brianna Nguyen [osborne] said he's already friends with you btw Jesse Tran 18:48 Jesse Tran today we confirmed that she actually did like someone (because i wasn't there at haz's party) and she had this super cute smile on her face ;; Brianna Nguyen 18:48 Brianna Nguyen Omg seriouslyyy do you have any ideas Jesse Tran 18:50 Jesse Tran i whaT SERIOUSLY REALLY I WAS AFRAID TO CALL HIM A FRIEND BECAUSE I WASN't SURE /CRIES Brianna Nguyen 18:50 Brianna Nguyen hhaaha I asked him who he voted for and he's like "I voted jesse first because she's my friend and she's really nice to me" Jesse Tran 18:52 Jesse Tran today in drama it was pretty funny we messed up at this one bit like [osborne] had to carry one block and i had to carry the other but for some reason there was no blocks left for me to carry and i was like wth what is happening and [osborne] was like omg and i was like omg wait [osborne] is this your fault and he was like what no ruby got the other block and i was like omg ruby why and then i was like dammit [osborne] this is why we can't have nice things Jesse Tran 18:53 Jesse Tran BRI REALLY Jesse Tran 18:53 Jesse Tran /sCREECHES ALSO TODAY in english i had to steal a chair for chanse and i went to the other side of the room and stole a chair and asked the nearest person if it was okay and it was [osborne] and he was like omg i don't know i don't sit there and i was like tru soz bro and it was cool ;; Brianna Nguyen 18:53 Brianna Nguyen hahhaa [osborne] your new best friend? Jesse Tran 18:54 Jesse Tran sorry i'm just getting excited /rolls on you ooh i have no idea who ell likes though
LOL yes Brianna Nguyen 18:54 Brianna Nguyen dw [osborne] is a kool dude and he's so nice to [osborne's gf - we'll call her cookie junior!!] OOoo whoo Jesse Tran 18:55 Jesse Tran i'm so happy!!!! ;a; (AND THEY ARE ADORABLE I SHIP IT HARD) Brianna Nguyen 18:55 Brianna Nguyen hahahhaa a lot of people voted for you I can;t Jesse Tran 18:56 Jesse Tran but i'm shipping ell and sam so hard so that's a thing for me rn
--
UM SO THAT WAS LIKE TWO MONTHS AGO
HELLO
SO, many things have happened since my last update and i should really remind myself to update sooner, because these events just keep pilin' up
i'll list some key events/stuff/thoughts here:
yep.
sheisse what the heckiedoodle why is the font changing??
???
oh well
exercising is amazing
i have to exercise soon
but i've been really happy with myself man, maybe after i exercise i'll take a photo of my ABS HECK YEAH and just post a wip shot or something iunno i'm just excited
as a record for myself:
as of 15/10/14, i can run approx 4km in a span on 30 minutes, at an average of 9km/h - lowest point being 8km (starting point til 10 min milestone) and highest being 10km (last 4 minutes).
i can do 200 hanging leg raises - 10 sets of 20 or 8 sets of 20 and 2 sets of ten
i can do 3 reps of 20 full decline sit-ups + 20 russian twists, both with a 5kg weight
AND I CAN ACTUALLY DO PUSH-UPS NOW WHICH IS SUPER COOL COZ I REMEMBER THE TIME WHEN I COULDN'T
and of course there are those other lil workouts i have at home but yeah those are what i tend to do at the gym, which i go to now with my bro
hella
oatmeal is still really yummy
everyone i'm gonna give u my recipe that accounts to approx 540 calories
so cook as much oats as u want (i use 4 - 5 tablespoons of oats)
when it's finished, add:
11 almonds
20 raisins
half an apple
3 tablespoons of greek yoghurt
and whatever sugar you want although i recommend coconut sugar or brown sugar or no sugar at all (keep in mind that greek yoghurt is sour tho)
and yeah that's the recipe, just mix it together and voila you've made heaven
/nods
i've been writing for an hour straight, no kidding so maybe later i'll come back with more updates
so bye for now!!!
i hope you guys have a wonderful day! :D
and everything about this post is a mess i mean look at its godforsaken format holy crapplesnack i don't know what's happening goodbye
Jesse Tran 18:15
today i SHIPPED ELLIE AND [SN] SO HARD Jesse Tran 18:15 Jesse Tran BASICALLY Jesse Tran 18:15 Jesse Tran ellie and ruby were sitting on the table and ruby was moving her legs up and down and [osborne] and [SN] were talking to each other and ellie was like ruby stop moving ur legs (coz it was shaking the table) and ruby kept doing it and then [SN] held out his leg to stop her and i was like /sob Jesse Tran 18:15 Jesse Tran i ship them so hard they were also sassing each other Brianna Nguyen 18:18 Brianna Nguyen Omg [SN] [osborne] is probably one of the nicest guys in the year Btw he voted for you Jesse Tran 18:42 Jesse Tran YES [SN] Brianna Nguyen 18:42 Brianna Nguyen never imagined tht couple Jesse Tran 18:42 Jesse Tran /SOB don't tell me these things i'm gonna cry because he's so nice THEY ARE ADORABLE TOGETHER THEIR SASS IS PERF and like i don't know who but ellie said she liked someone and claire ruby and i were just sobbing over how cute it was Brianna Nguyen 18:44 Brianna Nguyen Oh yeah she told us at harriet's party that she likes someone but she wouldn;t tell us who Jesse Tran 18:47 Jesse Tran yeah ;; Brianna Nguyen 18:47 Brianna Nguyen [osborne] said he's already friends with you btw Jesse Tran 18:48 Jesse Tran today we confirmed that she actually did like someone (because i wasn't there at haz's party) and she had this super cute smile on her face ;; Brianna Nguyen 18:48 Brianna Nguyen Omg seriouslyyy do you have any ideas Jesse Tran 18:50 Jesse Tran i whaT SERIOUSLY REALLY I WAS AFRAID TO CALL HIM A FRIEND BECAUSE I WASN't SURE /CRIES Brianna Nguyen 18:50 Brianna Nguyen hhaaha I asked him who he voted for and he's like "I voted jesse first because she's my friend and she's really nice to me" Jesse Tran 18:52 Jesse Tran today in drama it was pretty funny we messed up at this one bit like [osborne] had to carry one block and i had to carry the other but for some reason there was no blocks left for me to carry and i was like wth what is happening and [osborne] was like omg and i was like omg wait [osborne] is this your fault and he was like what no ruby got the other block and i was like omg ruby why and then i was like dammit [osborne] this is why we can't have nice things Jesse Tran 18:53 Jesse Tran BRI REALLY Jesse Tran 18:53 Jesse Tran /sCREECHES ALSO TODAY in english i had to steal a chair for chanse and i went to the other side of the room and stole a chair and asked the nearest person if it was okay and it was [osborne] and he was like omg i don't know i don't sit there and i was like tru soz bro and it was cool ;; Brianna Nguyen 18:53 Brianna Nguyen hahhaa [osborne] your new best friend? Jesse Tran 18:54 Jesse Tran sorry i'm just getting excited /rolls on you ooh i have no idea who ell likes though
LOL yes Brianna Nguyen 18:54 Brianna Nguyen dw [osborne] is a kool dude and he's so nice to [osborne's gf - we'll call her cookie junior!!] OOoo whoo Jesse Tran 18:55 Jesse Tran i'm so happy!!!! ;a; (AND THEY ARE ADORABLE I SHIP IT HARD) Brianna Nguyen 18:55 Brianna Nguyen hahahhaa a lot of people voted for you I can;t Jesse Tran 18:56 Jesse Tran but i'm shipping ell and sam so hard so that's a thing for me rn
--
UM SO THAT WAS LIKE TWO MONTHS AGO
HELLO
SO, many things have happened since my last update and i should really remind myself to update sooner, because these events just keep pilin' up
i'll list some key events/stuff/thoughts here:
- i'm in the src
- i went to japan (aka my long-time dream)
- in japan i made lots of new friends!!!!
- i've started cooking
- exercising has seriously become my new thang
- 36 days until dragon age: inquisiton
- i've become extremely inclined to make a resume and apply for a job
- i got my subject selections for year 11 back
actually wait let me make a kind of list for the structure of this post
firstly, i'll talk about being in the src
secondly, i'll talk about japan and attempt to tell you all about my experiences (or that might be in an entirely separate post because there's sO much to write)
thirdly, i'll talk about exercising/cooking and job-hunting
aCTUALLY, YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA WRITE ABOUT JAPAN IN A DIFFERENT POST BECAUSE GOD KNOWS HOW MUCH STUFF I HAVE TO COVER (to give u teasers; joudan/sekushii dayo/ikemen/placenta/commander rolls/free cd/puns/okonomimura/hiroshima train trip/relay/:DDD/frozen/hatsune miku hat/etc = look at jap diary)
anyway
a few months ago i told someone they had a nice silhouette and they looked at me funny
a few days ago okay, so, i was putting on some shorts coz it was hot when i looked down and BAM like i was already wearing shorts??? AND IT WAS SO SURPRISING I ACTUALLY LET OUT THIS LITTLE EXCLAMATION OF SURPRISE AND I DOUBLE-CHECKED THE SHORTS IN MY HANDS AND I WAS LIKE DEAR BABY jeSUS ON WHEELS??? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??? HOW DID I FORGET I WAS ALREADY WEARING PANTS??????
i was a bit worried after that
21 Jumpstreet is such a good movie - me and my bro were discussing it and he agreed and was like "you have to be mature to laugh at its immaturity" and it's very true but despite all that, the witty one liners are amazing
today i went to an SRC meeting
and i'm still really grateful about being chosen but also feeling kinda hnggh because i see my friend, yas, who is just always putting herself out there and helping people - heck she even got the year award last year!! and like she's AMAZING and she didn't get onto the committee and she could've done so much and she would've been absolutely beautiful as an src and i just, i, i guess... i don't know.... how do i explain this feeling? i guess i just really want people to recognize her kindness and potential and beauty because otherwise it'd be such a waste
being chosen to become src made me think about a lot of things, like - could i handle it? would i even be a good representative? and i think i was a little overwhelmed when they announced who the src were because it was at that time that those thoughts hit me and i realised that i just volunteered to be on the src as an admittedly selfish act of wanting to get to know people? like, i wasn't really thinking about how i'd help out the school or if i actually had the dedication set aside time to deal with SRC responsibilities - don't get me wrong, i signed up for this and i'm passionate about wanting to help, honestly i want to do my best so bad and be a good src, but yeah - those were my thoughts. what i mean by "the selfishness of wanting to get to know people" is that technically, the desire of actually wanting to become an SRC member were influenced by the fact that all i wanted to do was be able to face the whole year and try to show them another side of me?
i think i have a thing where i constantly feel the need to prove myself in one way or another and this was one way i thought i could do that
if i sound conceited, or anything similar, i'm sorry
to summarize that lil wall of text, i think what i was conflicted about was whether or not i really deserved this spot
but i think i've gotten over that - what's done is done but also i know myself and i know that i'll really try to do my best
so, anyway, i went to an SRC meeting.
my third, to be exact :D
at first, i was kind of apprehensive because you see, there are 6 people on the src along with myself, representing our year: three are girls, three are boys. there's ikemen, bell -- have i mentioned him before?? i'm sure i have somewhere, but i can't seem to find him in my previous posts but hey oh well -- and dbunks. for girls, it's me, MM and squizza. obviously, all those names are not the real names of those alongside me in the src. there are also two regional reps from my year who are absolutely beautiful - omoiyari and tenshi - omoiyari is shoko's (my host sister!!) favourite word in japanese meaning a person who thinks about others and tenshi means angel. omoiyari is a dude, tenshi is a gal!
anyway, i was apprehensive because MM and squizza are both really good friends, ikemen is friends with them and bell, bell is friends with squizza and dbunks. dbunks is friends with squizza and MM and ikemen and bell and pretty much everyone, and well - everyone is connected in some way or another and are close, and then there's me who hasn't really interacted /properly/ with most of them at all, so i kind of felt 'ehhh....' like, well, y'know how it is, feeling a bit like a third wheel? - but i decided not to dwell on it because i knew it didn't matter and i was just overthinking/worrying too much again, and that i'd be able to come friends with them so long as i tried - and that's still my plan!!
the first two meetings were debriefs about what the SRC was about and what we'd be doing (we're going on a camp in week 4 - i have no idea what week it is right now tbh) but yeah, those were really cool and those actually were probably a tad more formal than what it was like today - i didn't talk much at those meetings: at the first one, the eight of us were all sitting apart, and the second one we did kind of sit together but we couldn't face each other well because we were kind of clumped --
but today!!
today was really fun!!!
SUPER FUN!!!
I'M SO PUMPED /SCREAMS.
it began with an explanation of a few of the main positions of SRC - those being chairperson, secretary, treasurer + more i can't really remember - and then it delved into a powerpoint about leadership and being in a group and what kind of group member you are - IDEA aka Imaginer/Designer/Evaluator/Act-er.
then, there was the little exercise called knots. it was really weird and it got uncomfortably intimate and my group didn't manage to get untangled but hey, at least we made progress B) it was really funny and cool hehe
anyway, i was sitting next to ikemen during the meeting and we exchanged some small talk/inside jokes and i felt a lot more comfortable with him there tbh because i hung out with him in japan and we were already friends (just not super friends, y'know? but friend friends!!) and i also managed to talk to the others and make them laugh and it was really nice
omoiyari and tenshi are the regional reps, as i stated before, and gosh they are just amazing - they were the ones who were showing us that powerpoint presentation and all throughout it, i was getting the feels because wow respect they are both such good people and hhhh
after the meeting, bell and i (we've spoken before briefly and he's an awesome person who at one point defended me in this group of gamers which i was added to WHICH mostly comprises of boys and those boys were like wait why's jesse in this group and bell defended me and it was really sweet and cool and well the gist of it is that he's cool) were waiting for omoiyari and tenshi to finish up -
i actually interacted a lot with omoiyari in japan and it was so cool, he's such a cool person as well WOW THERE'S SO MANY COOL PEOPLE HHH And well i helped him out with his self intro in japan and talked to him and made jokes (i remember one funny thing. basically, the luggage i brought to japan was my bro's and it was HUGE it was the biggest out of all the ones brought to japan and everyone was making jokes about how i was the smallest person in the entire group and i brought the largest suitcase and omoiyari was like jesse seriously i have to take a photo of you and that suitcase because this is hilarious and well we talked and it was so cool and fun and yeah!!). the amount of interaction i have with tenshi is limited, but she's really sweet and she's super friendly and she's gr8.
anyway, i was waiting for omoiyari and tenshi to finish talking to the teacher because they're in our english class and i was talking to bell and i told him about the story about my pants and he cracked up laughing and was like how do you even do that??? like couldn't you feel your pants??? and i was like YEAH dude I KNOW LIKE that's why it was so worrisome and then tenshi and omoiyari came out and omoiyari was like what's this? so i told the story again and omoiyari and tenshi laughed and omoiyari was like omg jesse that's classic and i was like hehehehehehe (translation: i'm so happy i can make u laugh like wow u guys are actually laughing and i'm talking to u guys and /sob this is SO cool) and then we all began talking and that's when bell went off to pee and so tenshi, omoiyari and i were walking to class and we were talking about the english homework and neither had submitted it when it was due but i already had and he was like wow jesse, ace student and i was like huehue yep, gonna get that a+ man and that led to omoiyari saying he thought i'd be a good secretary *with an added "just sayin'"* (previously, he talked about how he took up the position before and how it wasn't what he expected - there's not much talking and it's suited for people who are the listener type etc) and i was like I GOT FLUSTERED AND MY CHEEKS WENT WARM AND I WAS LIKE wasdwea dweLL u KNOW i think MM would be good for that position, i mean, she was saying she'd go for it
and he looked at me and was like aw c'mon jesse, i think going for it would be really good and then tenshi was like yeah i agree and she began telling us a story about how she went up against some random people back when she was in src last year and how she got this spot and omoiyari was like yeah, and i think a lot of people - the ones who know you - would definitely back you up you know
and i don't know, i guess i was just really touched because i don't know, i guess that omoiyari even thought that and just how nice they were and they were just so welcoming and friendly and encouraging and warm? i don't know but gosh they were beautiful so i ended up trying to return the favour and tell them what i thought about them (what i wrote about earlier, how tenshi was an angel and how omoiyari was just really cool and how i had reSPECT for both of them like heck yeah!!) and they laughed and tenshi told me how she was actually nervous going up and speaking and i was like what seriously?? like i didn't even notice
and well
it was awesome
i'm so happy to be in the src and to get to know these beautiful people and i'm looking forward to spending more time with them hehe
change of topic
and apparently, change of font??? sorry the font suddenly changed because i pressed enter twice and idk
anyway, cooking. ever since coming back from japan, i just had an intense urge to catch up on all the exercise i couldn't do and cooking was one good way to control what i ate and it's level of healthiness - and thus, i have been cooking. :D
sheisse what the heckiedoodle why is the font changing??
???
oh well
exercising is amazing
i have to exercise soon
but i've been really happy with myself man, maybe after i exercise i'll take a photo of my ABS HECK YEAH and just post a wip shot or something iunno i'm just excited
as a record for myself:
as of 15/10/14, i can run approx 4km in a span on 30 minutes, at an average of 9km/h - lowest point being 8km (starting point til 10 min milestone) and highest being 10km (last 4 minutes).
i can do 200 hanging leg raises - 10 sets of 20 or 8 sets of 20 and 2 sets of ten
i can do 3 reps of 20 full decline sit-ups + 20 russian twists, both with a 5kg weight
AND I CAN ACTUALLY DO PUSH-UPS NOW WHICH IS SUPER COOL COZ I REMEMBER THE TIME WHEN I COULDN'T
and of course there are those other lil workouts i have at home but yeah those are what i tend to do at the gym, which i go to now with my bro
hella
oatmeal is still really yummy
everyone i'm gonna give u my recipe that accounts to approx 540 calories
so cook as much oats as u want (i use 4 - 5 tablespoons of oats)
when it's finished, add:
11 almonds
20 raisins
half an apple
3 tablespoons of greek yoghurt
and whatever sugar you want although i recommend coconut sugar or brown sugar or no sugar at all (keep in mind that greek yoghurt is sour tho)
and yeah that's the recipe, just mix it together and voila you've made heaven
/nods
i've been writing for an hour straight, no kidding so maybe later i'll come back with more updates
so bye for now!!!
i hope you guys have a wonderful day! :D
and everything about this post is a mess i mean look at its godforsaken format holy crapplesnack i don't know what's happening goodbye
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