entry 6

OMFG OKAY.

so basically in english we had to write our own speech of a topic of 'personal contextual importance', and guess what i did?

shyness.

here's a copy of it:

First of all, let me warn you. They asked for personal… we're gonna get pretty personal. I'm not sure how to go into this topic without it being personal, so yeah. 

  

I'm a shy person. It's… pretty obvious, I guess. 

  

I can't account for all the shy people out there, but being shy… 

  

Okay, let me ask you, have you ever really wanted to be friends with someone? Because, you think that maybe if you gave it a go you could get along with them, really well? You think about it before you go to bed at night, rehearse imaginary conversations in your head, think of lame conversation starters; and get really fired up but kind of anxious about the next day? And because you're anxious, you kind of hesitate when you see that person you want to talk to, so you don't end up putting those crappy conversation starters to the test. 

  

Maybe that's just me. 

  

Let me ask you another question. 

  

Remember when you were a kid? Maybe around, 3 years old?  I can't really remember what I was doing back then or what I was feeling, so I don't think you guys can really remember in exact detail what you were doing, when you were that young. That feeling of not remembering, that's what I have of year 7. And I wasn't even in Smiths Hill back then. When you leave primary school, you're not really your own person. So this whole idea of separation from my best friends in primary school was overwhelming; I knew no one, and I didn't try to get to know anyone - I even remember someone asking me 'why don't you smile much?' I couldn't really answer. At that time I was in my own little bubble, I don't even know. Maybe sometime around late term 1, I started making friends with this girl who really liked this anime, and the day we went to the library to watch it together my mum told me I was moving to smith's hill. 

  

I was… pretty hesitant to go, but compared to the me back then and the me now, I'm pretty glad I chose going. So year 7, I can’t really remember – it was just a huge rush. 

  

Year 8 flew by really quickly - it was just about making my own little nest with my bunch of friends. Around the end of 2012 I think someone random from our year said hello to me and I was pretty surprised so I said hi back. That made me realise that saying hello to people was actually really awesome - after all I think it made my day. So I thought, that people in our year are actually probably friendly and interesting people that'd be cool to become friends with. 

  

And these kind of thoughts transferred into year 9. This is where my brother came in. 

  

My bro went to this school, graduating before I finished primary school, but ever since I can remember he's always told me about the things he's done in Smiths Hill (like making Smag with his friends) and from all the stories he's told, well, I know he was one of those people you call 'popular', or at least, he knew everyone and everyone knew him and his nickname was even 'Smiley' for a short while. He was outgoing, friendly, skipped class once in year 11 and saw Mr Zabelle at the shops, who told him 'I won't tell if you won't tell'…. And then I'm that shy girl who has trouble talking to people I don't really know. 

  

I know, I know it's bad 'comparing' myself to him, but I can't really help it - I look up to him. He's the type who wouldn't change a thing if he were asked, 'would you go back and change your high school life if given the chance'. And what's funny is - we can do anything we want. Like, at assembly, just full on dancing and singing your heart out to the national anthem, or going up to someone in the streets and just hugging them. Of course I don't really recommend that one, because it'd be bordering on creepy and sexual harassment, but, yeah. That's why I figured, why not? Why can't I just try to be more approachable, and say hello to random people - make friends? I don't want to be the person regretting stuff later because I was too scared to just go up and say hi to someone. Others might judge that it’d be weird because – woah – the quiet person? 

But yolo. 

  

So yeah, after a long while of just thinking and staring at the computer screen I came up with this. I was pretty hesitant about it all, but oh well. 

The making friend thing… I’m getting there. 

Oh, and next time you see a shy person, you should totally talk to them. They’re probably really cool. 

yeah.

i'm the most embarassing person aren't i?

okay, well i guess not that embarassing, but still.

/deep sigh.

so the class laughed a few times and people clapped and all that. i don't really expect anything to change; i'm just glad i got it out.

my story has been told and now they know not only my name but my story too.

i hope nothing bad comes out of this /flops, rather the opposite?

i'm tired.

today i was put into a group with the src dude and another guy. it was awkward but hey, i tried, kinda.

yolo.

man i'm so tired.

this is entry 6, thanks for reading.

have an awesome day!